Originally Posted by southerndreams
you're right and I do need to ask him. I'm just not really all that great at asking in a clear consice manner. I get emotional and I know that being emotional when discussing this will not help either of us. I think I'm most scared of overstepping. I have so many questions going through my head and I'm just trying to figure out if there are any commonalities in poly relationships.
Sometimes it can be very hard to push through emotions when discussing these things especially at the beginning when there are so many unknowns. One thing that has helped my partner and I is when emotions start to interfere with our reasoning we ask each other if we can have a moment and go off and do something else (I play Solitaire or come onto this forum) for a little while until we feel calmer and then come back and continue with the discussion. Something else that might help is make sure you're hearing your partner's words and not interpreting them at anything other than what they are. If you have questions about what something means, ask him about it but you need to trust that he is telling you the truth.
Would it help if you e-mailed him the questions in a neutral tone instead of speaking them aloud? He can respond and then the two of you can meet a day or two after to discuss the questions and answers. I know this sounds cold but it's a good way to remove the immediate emotional response and lets you think before you talk.
In regards to commonalities what sort are you looking for? Do you mean basic guidelines that most groups seem to follow or do you mean things that happen in the course of courtship, dating etc?