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Old 04-22-2010, 01:08 AM
AutumnalTone AutumnalTone is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Kansas City Metro
Posts: 2,187

Originally Posted by ksandra View Post
What would be the best course of action in this situation? Am I being clear?
As I see it, in any given relationship, there are three components that you have to actively care for at all times: first, yourself, second, the other person, and third, the relationship itself.

In this instance, I would offer that you're neglecting the third--the relationship with T. T may be getting enough time with you that his needs are met. He's also indicated that he feels your relationship is threatened because of the time you're spending with J. Your choice appears to be one of either spending more time with J to the detriment of your relationship with T or spend less time in the immediate future with J to take care of the relationship with T.

Keep in mind that you'll likely be able to spend more time with J in the future without it possibly harming your relationship with T, simply due to the security that comes from time spent without bad things happening. The conditions that prevail currently will change, so what you have to do to take care of a relationship now will be different in the future.
When speaking of various forms of ain't poly if you're just fucking around.

While polyamory, open relationships, and swinging are all distinctly different approaches to non-monogamy, they are not mutually exlusive. Folks can, and some do, engage in more than one of them at a time--and it's all good.
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