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Old 04-21-2010, 11:31 PM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,632
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We had a whole set of rules laid out at the beginning of our relationship... They worked for the time they were in and were helpful. Check the first posts I had on here a year ago. There was a lot on boundaries I believe. We made our own up and asked each other how we would feel about things we might enjoy... it was a good test to see what we were comfortable with and not. It seemed that a lot of them lost their power just by talking about them.

Some of them were important and we stuck with them, but they were more general like "please text me after midnight on a weekday if you are going to be out much longer, because I worry about you." Not specific, but more about safety in the middle of the night than anything else... I think we got to that one when talking about when it was okay to stay over night or something...

Another is that I would like to know who my partners are including in their lives. I would like to meet them before they become more than friends. This is a given now and not really a rule, it's just respectful and fulfills my need to feel comfortable and respected. Nerdist does this because he wants me to feel comfortable.

I guess that a lot of the rules and boundaries we had and have now are just the way we live rather than stuff we talk about all the time. We got to know each other in the sense of a poly lifestyle and then could drop any language around it all.... I will ask and so will he if there is an uncomfortable gut feeling... going with the gut is always the best idea... checking in is always the best idea... sticking to what you have agreed to is always the best idea in our relationships... and then letting it all just "be."
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