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Old 04-21-2010, 11:03 PM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
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my friend suggested "experienced model" when referring to veteran poly folk... I like this term better I think. Experience doesn't mean "all knowing."

It's when people take on the roll of leader of a community without realizing that community expands far beyond their realm that has me concerned. I read on line and watch what happens and see holistically how it can be narrow minded and dangerous to assume one is a leader or in some kind of control. As it is with anything in life... When I am thinking I have my ducks in a row, chances are that is when my ducks are not in a row and I have forgotten something valid and important.

Not that I don't enjoy peoples thoughts and organization of events etc. I have organized my own events, like the one that I am organizing this summer with a friend of mine to go camping. I struggle with being looked to in organizing and being put higher up on some weird poly pedestal for doing so. I am just someone who likes to organize and hopes people like to come to what I organize.

I used to organize a monthly play date for my boy when I finished my maternity leave as I wanted to stay in touch with the mums I met. I enjoyed it and it served a purpose. I don't want to fall into the same rut of being looked to for that kind of thing as I was then and got burnt out. I see that happening with everything I join and for some reason people like to make leaders out of organizers. That is simply my roll in a group. Nothing more nothing less. I attach no control, even though I seem to be handed it on a platter. It seems that some people like to attach control to leadership rolls and that makes me feel nervous and uncomfortable. Especially when that is directed towards me... unfortunately I seem to be handed this task of separating myself from that often. Especially at work. I like to be where the people are, not in some managerial position that holds expectations. The only time I like control is when I am in my Mistress role

I guess this is where I also struggle because I have experiences with poly as an "experienced model" that others don't and that also puts me in a position of becoming something I don't want....

I am talking about this and have actually come to a place I think that I am not looked on that way. I think it has come with a price though.... as I don't feel like I am now part of my community here as much as I did. All my own doing, but I am just now finding the balance between belonging and not allowing myself to fall into doing more than I am willing. Always a balance always something to work on...
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