I had a great talk with Arlo regarding DADT. I told him that after two years of being open, I think I've proved that I'm not going to lose my focus on my marriage, or fall apart over everyone I sleep with. I explained that I've determined I'm not interested in a heavy relationship with another man, however, the sort of relationship I hope to forge with some woman someday would suffer under Arlo's strict DADT policy.
Arlo thought about it, and a few days later told me he was fine with me having girlfriend openly, but please stick to DADT when it comes to men. I agreed, as that jives with my vision for myself. Now watch, some groovy man will come along that I'll fall madly in love with, that would be just my luck.
Last night I met up with the pretty redhead from SDC with whom I've been talking to sporadically via email, and her husband. I had told them I'm mostly just interested in women, and they'd assured me I was free to pursue one, the other, or both of them as I chose. She gave me her husband's number to hash out the details of the meet up rather than her own. A safety measure, I guess, as she's an innocent young thing and I'm a stranger off the internet, but it doesn't point to her and I starting an independent relationship.
She was striking, smart, and quirky, but seemed soooo young. I really felt our 16 year age difference. She looks barely out of her teens to me, especially when she gets nervous and starts chewing her nails. Her husband is close to my age, only five years younger than me, but I am definitely not attracted to him. Apparently, she went straight from small-town Baptist university into her marriage bed, and she and her husband seem very intertwined and in their own little world. I have a hard time imagining her in a relationship with me.
The redhead, her husband and I spent a couple of hours talking and getting drunk in a tequila bar, then took a meander along the pier. She didn't flirt with me that I noticed, and we didn't have much physical contact besides our legs leaning up against each other as we stood gazing at the water. She's a shy person, as am I. I do best with someone confident enough to draw me out, and I suspect she needs someone similar. I'd be willing to try a date alone with her to figure out if there's a spark between us, but I'm unsure of her interest and afraid to ask, as I don't do well with rejection.
I'd noticed that Shane, the guy I met on SDC and slept with three times, "friended" them on the site, so I asked if they knew him. I learned the husband has met Shane, wife has not. Nonetheless, Shane brought her back a tee-shirt from his recent travels. I explained I'd recently been involved with Shane, but it seems to have fizzled out. I told her he's a great guy, but I also warned her that he got a little too intense for me our last encounter, demanding constant eye contact, doing some things I didn't like, and she agreed that would have freaked her too.
I hate to admit it, but I don't like the idea of Shane and this young woman hooking up. I mean, I think I'm done with Shane, and I'm lukewarm about this young woman, so what's with the jealousy? Shane certainly wouldn't mind the husband watching, while I would. Shane is probably exactly the casual, confident person they're hoping to swing with, while I'm shy and serious and looking for love. What can I expect from people I met on a swingers' dating site?
I haven't heard from Red via email or her husband via text today. I'll probably just send her a nice, neutral email saying It was great meeting you, I had fun, hope the drive home was safe, feel free to holler at me next time you want to come to town...we'll see if it goes anywhere from there.
After I got home from meeting Red and her husband, I called Arlo, who was out with a friend. Arlo asked if I wanted him to come home, and I admitted it would be nice. We did some serious snuggling. We had nice sex a few days ago, so I'm feeling better about our love-life, though he still hasn't gone to a therapist like he promised. I'll remind him to call on Monday, I plan to insist as hard as I can without frustrating myself.
Female, bi-amorous, mid 40's
on the spectrum between poly-amorous and monogam-ish
girlfriend Melinda, lesbian, early 30's