Originally Posted by ksandra
My primary, T is still very new to polyamory but he has taken leaps and bounds in being accepting of it and I am appreciative of it every day. His biggest concern with it is being excluded and someone else getting more time, attention and love than him, which I understand and it is something that makes me nervous as well.
Well, one of the first things we (wish) we learned in kindergarden about "sharing" is that it's NOT a competition. We talk about that here a lot as well as other places.
Love & affection are not about whether someone is getting more or less than someone else. The society we live in drives "competition" as a GOOD thing and makes no distinction where it fits or doesn't fit. If we don't get our "more" there's something wrong with us !
You can choose to buy into that programming or not.
There's getting "more" - or getting what we need.
Two totally different outlooks on life. Applys not just to love & affection
But you have to be brutally honest with YOURSELF in this process ! Is what you say/believe as what you "need" - really a need - or just a compulsion to acquire. The less we "need" the easier to fulfill those needs. The happier and more content we become.
Be clear. Be happy.