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Old 04-21-2010, 01:45 PM
GroundedSpirit GroundedSpirit is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: New England USA
Posts: 1,231

Originally Posted by ksandra View Post
My primary, T is still very new to polyamory but he has taken leaps and bounds in being accepting of it and I am appreciative of it every day. His biggest concern with it is being excluded and someone else getting more time, attention and love than him, which I understand and it is something that makes me nervous as well.
Hi Ksandra,

Well, one of the first things we (wish) we learned in kindergarden about "sharing" is that it's NOT a competition. We talk about that here a lot as well as other places.

Love & affection are not about whether someone is getting more or less than someone else. The society we live in drives "competition" as a GOOD thing and makes no distinction where it fits or doesn't fit. If we don't get our "more" there's something wrong with us !

You can choose to buy into that programming or not.

There's getting "more" - or getting what we need.

Two totally different outlooks on life. Applys not just to love & affection

But you have to be brutally honest with YOURSELF in this process ! Is what you say/believe as what you "need" - really a need - or just a compulsion to acquire. The less we "need" the easier to fulfill those needs. The happier and more content we become.

Be clear. Be happy.

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