Thanks for all of your comments. You hit the nail right on the head ...
I am at a point where I have been presented with a new way of being, and so I get to make a choice. In many many ways it is a great gift. My friends have said that they NEVER would have thought that *I* would even consider something like this. Really, its because I was never introduced to the idea in a safe relationship. She is safe for me.
When I think about the choice that I need to make, it revolves more around the road that I want to walk down, rather than the identity that I want to achieve. I don't really care about identifying myself as a monogamous or non monogamous or polygamous person. I care more about experience and I care more about connection. I care more about the relationships that I have in this life ... what they bring to me and what I give to them. I care a lot about being able to maintain this companionship.
And as I read over everything that has been said, and as I continue to write, I am reminded that it is the person that I become and the growth that I do in getting there that really matters to me. I think what matters to me most, specifically in this sense, is letting go of my fears.
EugenePoet wrote: "1. You like talking to other women, you like flirting, and even being physical with them. You like the idea of non-monogamy. And I think you're egalitarian enough to grant that if it's OK for you to do it, it has to be OK for your partner to do it too. Fair's fair, right? And that boils down to some kind of open relationship, whether polyamory or ethical non-monogamy or whatever.
2. You have a strong set of complexes centered on possession and infidelity. You described your mother's cheating, your previous girlfriends' cheating, and your own need to possess someone in an almost "trophy" sense. Those are real things in your psyche. They exist."
That second point there is what I want to let go of. When I look at number one and number 2, number 1 seems so much less based around fear. I know that my life can be so much better in so many ways (not just in my intimate relationships) if I can let go of this fear. It is a real opportunity here that I can take.