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Old 07-07-2014, 06:58 PM
icesong icesong is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 501

A lovely weekend just passed. After my lunch with HipsterBoy Thursday, I had a dinner date scheduled with MartialArtist. That relationship continues to elude my attempts to put a label on it - every time I think it's resolving into "just" FWB, it then fluctuates back towards something a little more interesting. Part of it, I think, is that he's not "out" about his open relationship - which is very new. Thus I think I hear more about how that feels than I might, in different circumstances, and that's a level of intimacy and self-disclosure... (I'm so very much a sucker for emotional openness... ). But that's not really all there is to it. We went to dinner and barely stopped talking to eat - and I'm so ridiculously into food that that's *really* surprising. For that matter, he had early morning plans and after a bit of random adventure involving locked parking decks and wandering around a downtown neither of us knew well, we didn't make it back to my place in time for the "benefits" portion of the experience... and that was ok. Which after the last time I saw him surprises me because that whole evening was so very much about sex and the random bits of conversation in between were sort of shallow and didn't flow - thus my conclusion that we were on the acquaintance side of the FWB continuum.

I don't know why I'm worried about the definitions on this one. Perhaps it's a habit of monogamy - if it's not "going somewhere", end it before you get too invested to free up that slot in your life. Then, too, there's also a bit more potential here, time-wise, than there otherwise might have been. I had misunderstood something he said about leaving town for several months as something that was happening this fall, but it's actually happening next fall. So that "shelf-life" I had assumed was there? is not. Interesting...

Then much of Saturday was spent with DinoActivist and Sunshine. Quads are fucking awkward, sometimes, even when everyone involved is wonderful. We started out with brunch at my place with a bunch of TheKnight and I's friends - this seemed to go SO much better than last time I introduced friends to new poly partners. So yay there. And then Sunshine and DinoActivist stuck around after everyone else left, and the afternoon was spent in a bit of a blur of stolen kisses and giggly conversations. And THAT was absolutely lovely. But they had plans with one of Sunshine's other partners for dinner and gaming, after which the four of us were going to meet back up and go dancing as a late birthday party for me. I love dancing and don't do it terribly often...

And that was great, we had a lot of fun... but then figuring out what was going to happen *after* dancing was awkward at best. DinoActivist had had a slightly difficult few days, and had a potentially less-than-fun breakfast with family planned for the morning, so by 2am he was kind of done and wanted to go home. And while I would have liked to spend some alone time with him, I also am trying not to fall into situations that are any less than enthusiastically wanted by all parties. That was one of the things that hurt HipsterBoy and I's relationship, in the long run. Except... of course... Sunshine wanted some time alone with TheKnight, which I can understand - as I've said, they're pretty smitten with NRE. But the not-quite-there-yet-or-maybe-ever inequity is REALLY hard, as I keep saying, and not letting that bother me at 2am and slightly drunk? well. Not made of stone, there.

TheKnight is being as understanding as he can be, of course, but I still hate being jealous and making him feel bad about something that otherwise makes him really happy. He thinks I should just keep looking for someone I can be smitten with in the same way. And I'm open to that, but at the same time I want to see what the relationships with MartialArtist and/or DinoActivist turn into. The early days of my relationship with HipsterBoy spoiled me - we texted utterly constantly - and so I guess I sort of thought a new thing would be the same and neither of these are. And I'm an extrovert living an introvert's life - I work for myself from home, and don't spend enough time with friends because of my son - so that level of communication went SO far towards making me less lonely. The loneliness, though, is really my issue and not that of my partners or potential partners - and if I want to date interesting people, well, of COURSE they aren't going to have that kind of time to throw at things. Nor did I, if I'm really honest - HipsterBoy and I have even had fairly long conversations about how we should have never spent what we did on it. But part of me keeps measuring my attractiveness against whether or not I'm wanted like that...
36/bi/F, married to TheKnight (together 20 years)
Partnered with AnotherArtist (2 years)

Other Dramatis Personae are detailed in my blog.
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