Find myself lonely and down in the dumps today.
However, on the plus column, Beaker's mass in the lungs is shrinking, going away. And she has more energy. She sounds much better over the phone. And she is doing better than I ever thought she would with not working. However, still no idea of the underlying cause. The mass was another symptom. Everyone's well wishes and thoughts are much appreciated, by the way.
Thinking I need to redo my dating focus. Theoretically dating poly married men would work. I don't always need something long term and committed. However, what I'm finding is that married men can't meet my needs of time and attention - the non-negotiable parts. Some of that is life stuff - children, jobs, etc. And some is that I'm not a priority. I thought I could be ok with that in a FWB situation. Turns out I'm not. I don't need to be the number one priority - I would be horrified if someone prioritized me over their children or spouse - but I do need to be somewhere on the list. And fairly high up as well. I'm considering focusing on people who are not committed/married and seeing if that helps. What I'm doing now isn't working for me.
Most of the time I manage the loneliness pretty well. I get out, do things with friends, take care of myself. Not so much today. I'm realizing I'm trying to get needs met with people who simply can't do so. So trying something else.