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Old 07-06-2014, 06:33 PM
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Bluebird Bluebird is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Maryland
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Terribleness here. DarkKnight called me last night and we made plans for him to come home today, drop our daughter off, and then a friend was going to keep her for a couple of days, while I came to his parents house with him and supported him.

This was because on Saturday morning he discovered his mom and sisters have all run out of vacation days, so I suggested he work from there, instead of his home office, next week, so his mom will feel more content that my father-in-law is being looked after properly by the hospice workers.

Anyway, she was in tears and so happy that he was going to do this. But I am barely holding off tears because I am missing my man something fierce. Then I realized that I could come up there if we reworked the schedule a bit and found a place for our daughter to go. PunkRock was willing to take our son to and from work, as needed, and keep the house ticking over.

Anyway, this morning I woke up at 4:30 am, completely stressed. I did laundry, prepared stuff to go, etc. Then DarkKnight called me, crying, that his mother told him that while I could come for a visit, that I was immoral and awful and if I was still continuing to "screw around on him" then I could not sleep over at her house.

He was so upset. He came home, and just cried for about 45 minutes. He said that he doesn't want to have a relationship with her anymore, and that he would be seeing a whole lot less of her after this. He feels like she thinks he is a child and can't manage his own heart, and won't accept that he is happy with me being poly.

My poor husband is having a nervous breakdown. It is clear he needs me to hug him, but we don't have the gas money for me to drive over there and back every day, so it won't happen. I sent him back anyway. I told him that as much as I want to increase the drama and keep him home with me to spite her, I can't. Because he would stay. And that isn't what she needs right now. She absolutely needs my husband there. It is painful to me to be the better person, but that means it is the right thing to do.

DarkKnight says he thinks his dad tempered her responses and kept her sweet while he was still well, but now that he isn't coherent, she is just denouncing me with everything she has.

He is both sad and hurt and angry at how bigoted and close-minded she is. He said she said several things that made him almost go nuclear - about how a marriage is between a man and a woman and that's it. Anti-gay statements, and racist statements. He told me if I were black, he would have no relationship at all with his mother. He said what is left is deteriorating fast.

My daughter ended up going back with him. She told me that she isn't that sad about her grandpa dying because she doesn't know him that well, but that she doesn't like her dad to be so sad. His sad makes her sad. I hugged her. She wanted to go back and help. So, I sent her too.

Now I just feel so fucking helpless in this.

What else? My oldest daughter in NY messaged me today to say she'll call me tonight. I let her know that hospice is saying that grandpa will pass probably today or tomorrow, at the latest. She said she can come down for the funeral, but doesn't have gas money. I can give it to her on Thursday, so she will come. She wants to be here, again, to support DarkKnight. Everyone truly loves him and can't bare to see him or know he's unhappy!

DarkKnight's sister's birthday is Thursday, so that means the funeral will be Wednesday or Friday, if he passes as predicted - NOT on her birthday. It's terrible, but I am hoping for Friday - we have so many expenses that we can't cover until Thursday, since that is my payday. My son needs new shoes for the funeral, DarkKnight needs a haircut. Gas to get us to and fro.

Ugh. Death is never practical though. We will handle whatever comes.

Of course, we have our trip to NY scheduled starting Sunday too. DarkKnight was questioning me this morning if he will look bad for still going, if his dad's funeral is Friday. I told him that it was up to him. He is really torn - but I think he plans to go. His career needs this trip.

I met most of PunkRock's extended family yesterday - we went to a family BBQ. Funny - one of PunkRock's cousins is a special needs teacher and she went to school and is friends with C3! I about fell over. I told her how PunkRock and I met - I was going to meet C3 at the game store to hang out and talk about dating, and then PunkRock was there in a suit and he caught my eye. She told me that it was good I didn't start a relationship with C3, because we would have broken up already! She said he was too up and down and all over the place with his anxiety and emotions, that he always has been. He needs to stabilize himself before being in any relationship. She said any capable person would be lost in trying to help him fix himself, and that I would probably would have burnt out trying to help him.

I think she is truthful - all of these are things I have thought myself about C3. She also agreed that he is uber cool, a great person and a solid friend to have in your corner when needed. He just unbalanced emotionally and it spills negative crazy into every aspect of his life, unfortunately.

Anyway, it was interesting to speak to another person who knows C3 and it was awesome to meet someone super cool in PunkRock's family. I enjoyed watching the interaction between PunkRock and different people. His brother, LordTenderHeart, was there, and it was good to see him again. He was very affectionate toward me and gave me lots of big hugs. He has been staying at his dad's since getting out of rehab.

I did witness some in-family gossip and unpleasantness regarding LordTenderHeart. That made me feel bad, but I could see both sides. I stayed out of it and just murmured acknowledgement of the feelings and shared the info with PunkRock, but he said this is not anything new, so I was glad I let him know. It made me feel a bit better knowing that it was a long-standing issue.

Um, oh! I want to share that at one point PunkRock and I were in the pool together and I was just completely and totally overcome with this feeling of incredible safety and acceptance. This entry has been kind of a downer, so I want to share that. He was holding me close and just kissing me, and then just watching me. I wrote about it as my sentence in my daily happiness journal last night. "The light blue water reflected in his eyes and when he looked at me, it was love."
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