Thread: Captain's Log
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Old 07-02-2014, 12:01 AM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Pennsyl-tucky
Posts: 1,807

Originally Posted by LoveBunny View Post
...I think I can admit to myself that I'm not that interested in a serious secondary relationship with a man. I just can't imagine wanting any man but Arlo snuggling with me, or sleeping beside me at night. I've never been very interested in navigating all that men-are-from-mars, women-from-venus crap.

If I really think about it, rarely in my life have I felt "romantic" towards men (barring a couple of hardcore crushes, never consummated, in high school and college.) Even Arlo's presence has always felt more calming than invigorating. I'm absolutely comfortable around him. I never got crazy butterflies at the thought of seeing him, never put him on a pedestal. Mine isn't that kind of love for him, it's very on-the-ground and loyal. Maybe that's why it's lasted 17 years.
I can relate to a lot of this. Although I went through periods of "butterflies" with both MrS and Dude (and a few high school crushes) they were controllable and short lived (I am not a fan of NRE, personally, I prefer to feel like myself). I never had a "romanticized" view of relationships (or marriage for that matter) - we are all flawed people making our way through an imperfect world the best we can. Sometimes we are lucky enough to find people to travel with us on that journey.

In general though, I just don't really like most men (and usually not beyond friends-possibly-with-benefits) it was 19 years between MrS and Dude - maybe in another couple of decades I'll cross paths with another one that I can't get away from...

Originally Posted by LoveBunny View Post
... I wonder if my husband and I should discuss this before I actually find an appropriate woman to date. On the other hand, maybe Arlo needs to concentrate on his personal issues right now, and why rock the boat when there's no need to? Besides, who is to say such a woman will ever materialize out of my tiny dating pool?
My two cents? I would certainly advise discussing it, hypothetically, before the situation arises (and the emotions are stirred), BUT it seems that right this second, he has to deal with his "personal issues" (anger and substance abuse).

Once he is well on the road to dealing with them you might broach the subject along the lines of "Hey, I've been wanting to discuss a hypothetical possibility with you about what it could look like if I got a 'serious' rush, I have no such prospect in sight, but, when this bit is all stable down the road, I have some ideas I'd like to run by you."
Me: poly bi female, in an "open-but-not-looking" V-plus with -
MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (24+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (6+ yrs) and MrS's BFF
SLeW: platonic hetero girlfriend and BFF
MrClean: hetero mono male, almost lover-friend to me, FWBs to SLeW
+ "others" = FBs, FWBs, lover-friends, platonic G/BFs, boytoys, etc.

My poly blogs here:
The Journey of JaneQSmythe
The Notebook of JaneQSmythe

Last edited by JaneQSmythe; 07-02-2014 at 12:17 AM.
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