Thread: Captain's Log
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Old 06-30-2014, 10:31 PM
LoveBunny LoveBunny is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Florida, USA
Posts: 466

My sex drive has hit a low ebb. Arlo and I made love a couple of times this week, but fireworks were not forthcoming. There's no other love interest on my radar, so my inner slut figures she might as well just shut down for a while and focus on writing, enjoy non-sexual affection from Arlo, and build up my platonic friendships.

I've been spending a lot of time with my closest friend, Victoria. Besides Arlo, Victoria is the person I spend the most time with, and talk to the most often. I started getting close to Victoria last year, just as my relationship with Coco was falling apart. I feel like this fulfilling, platonic female friendship was the karmic prize and the antidote to that sexual, toxic relationship. Victoria reminds me how it feels to have someone reciprocate my level of emotional investment, and I'm infinitely grateful she's around this summer.

Arlo and I had a huge fight last week. He was drunk and high for, like, the third night in a row, and he got angry and said horrible things. He's upset that I don't want to relocate across the country just because he got a job offer there which might make him a little more money. I told him if he wants to go, he should go, but I'm not interested in relocating. He became very insulting, and I responded in kind. He stormed out of the house and slept on the beach.

Once he sobered up, apologetic and embarrassed, he agreed to get some help with his substance abuse and anger issues, and made an appointment with a therapist for next week.

Shane comes back from overseas soon, but I'm not sure I want to see him again. The cute bi hairdresser I flirted with a while back, well, I found her profile on OKC where she answered "No" to the question "Would you consider an open relationship?" So no point pursuing that. I was emailing a younger woman for a while on SDC, really gorgeous, a red-head with green eyes, well-spoken, bi, in an open marriage, and she lives just under an hour away. She called me "absolutely lovely" when she saw my pictures, and last we spoke, she said she wanted to meet me, so I gave her my number. Then, she just ghosted. I sent her two messages in 7 days, with no reply to either. Doesn't give me the feeling she's bristling with excitement about me.

I've been wanting to talk to Arlo about our DADT agreement, wanting to clarify that I'm willing to remain DADT about casual/sexual relationships only. I think I can admit to myself that I'm not that interested in a serious secondary relationship with a man. I just can't imagine wanting any man but Arlo snuggling with me, or sleeping beside me at night. I've never been very interested in navigating all that men-are-from-mars, women-from-venus crap.

If I really think about it, rarely in my life have I felt "romantic" towards men (barring a couple of hardcore crushes, never consummated, in high school and college.) Even Arlo's presence has always felt more calming than invigorating. I'm absolutely comfortable around him. I never got crazy butterflies at the thought of seeing him, never put him on a pedestal. Mine isn't that kind of love for him, it's very on-the-ground and loyal. Maybe that's why it's lasted 17 years.

Anyway, I feel like I'm fine with DADT/mostly-casual relationships with men outside my marriage. But I'm really hoping to explore something deeper with a woman. I want a girlfriend, meaning I'd spend enough time with her that it might sometimes require "worlds colliding." I won't want to keep her identity secret from my husband. I wonder if my husband and I should discuss this before I actually find an appropriate woman to date. On the other hand, maybe Arlo needs to concentrate on his personal issues right now, and why rock the boat when there's no need to? Besides, who is to say such a woman will ever materialize out of my tiny dating pool?
Female, bi-amorous, mid 40's
on the spectrum between poly-amorous and monogam-ish

girlfriend Melinda, lesbian, early 30's

Last edited by LoveBunny; 06-30-2014 at 10:35 PM.
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