Originally Posted by SchrodingersCat
*shrug* I guess I'm just a little skeptical about forcing the "I want us to all be a big happy family" type of poly. For some people, usually older people (no offence LR and RP *wink*), it seems to work out that way. But they've been through the trenches, had lots of different kinds of poly relationships, and settled on what works for the long term now that they have kids and the whole package. But people like you and me are young and we've still got lots of exploring to do. Why do you feel you need to pin down exactly what "kind" of poly relationships you're going to have in the future? Life works out a lot smoother if you just live for the Now and let the future unfold as it will.
No offense taken at all!
I SO DID NOT want to be pinned down to marriage in my 20s and I already had a kid!
But yes-now that I have 4 kids, a house, looking towards retirement, I want more permanence. Mind you-many of the people I know who are poly (in person people) prefer something a bit more... open (and they aren't younger! the joys of the kids being out of the house!).
OP-take your time. See where things go. It's important to clarify what you want/need, but it would be good to be sure you remember to limit your expectations to things you control. Neither you or he controls her. THAT doesn't mean you have to stay in a relationship with someone who has a relationship you aren't comfortable with-but it does mean it's up to you if you are going to leave or if you are going to stay. It's up to him how he handles his other relationship...