I highly suggest getting the book Living Happily Ever After. It really has some concrete explanation on how to deal with self-esteem issues.
If you can get that resolved, it will solve a good amount of the fear you are suffering. You might feel like you are still walking on coals-but not through fire!
In terms of quick articles on jealousy-www.xeromag.com has some great ones under the polyamory section. He has a good mind (the guy who writes that site) and you may find some of the information resonates with you.
One of the keys is understanding yourself. Too often we don't bother to know ourself. We simply assume we are who we are. But we forget-we are who our parents taught us to be. That may or may not be healthy. It may or may not be leading us on the path we TRULY want for ourselves.
I suggest journaling (you can do it on paper, in a blog, in the lifestyles section here or anywhere). It will help you start to see patterns in your behavior and emotions over time. That was a big deal for me. I figured out that there was a predictable pattern to my emotions and once I knew that I could say "honey-this is NOT the day for you to talk to me about the hot girl at Freddy's." and he would know to wait a few days.
Keep writing-keep talking. That helps too, but definitely-work on the self-esteem. That's critical to being able to function in a poly relationship. You might check out some of the poly books available (type polyamory into the search engine on Amazon.com-there are some good ones).
"Love As Thou Wilt"