I met with my counselor this morning. It didn't really help. I've pretty much come to the conclusion that I should just be celibate for the rest of my life. If you don't have sex, no one can use it against you, no one can judge or humiliate you, and you aren't vulnerable to anyone.
Sounds good to me.
I told Guy that this morning when he called (which was before I met with my counselor). He said he wishes I wasn't thinking that way. I said, "Why? It isn't like you and I have sex anyway, since we don't get to see each other."
I haven't broken the news to Hubby yet because his work schedule barely allows me to wave at him as he breezes through the house from the bedroom out the door to work. I told him I needed to talk to him about sex, that it's an important discussion, and that it needs to happen ASAP so it doesn't fester and get worse in my brain. He promised to make time to talk to me tomorrow before work. He often makes promises like that and doesn't keep them, so I'm not holding out much hope.
On the other hand, since I barely see him in the summer, my decision to stop having sex isn't going to impact him much more than it will Guy.
Don't know if this is a permanent mindset or if I'll get out of it eventually, and right now I don't care. I'm hurt and angry and don't EVER want to let anyone make me feel that way again.
Me: 44, cis-het female, poly
Hubby: my husband, 42, monogamous
S2: my "attachment", male, 44, undetermined
Best Friend: male, 38, platonic; the one who keeps me sane through all this!
My daughters: Alt (age 19) and Country (age 16)
S2's sons: Spikes (age 9) and Beads (age 6)