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Old 04-20-2010, 12:57 AM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Saskatchewan
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Originally Posted by DownTheRabbitHole View Post
I am simply worried whether or not I will be able to adjust to this lifestyle. The additional bridges I would have to cross if she becomes interested in another man, or if I have more trouble than I expect getting over my jealousy or security issues.
If you're not running away at the mere idea, then confidence that you can deal with any issues as they arise will go a long way towards that goal.

We are very good about communication (came with the years), and by talking to her about this topic we've come to an understanding about how we will go about it.
That's awesome! A lot of people start from a "we want to be poly" ground and then have to learn the communication skills required to make it work. If you already have that, you're miles ahead of the game!

To accommodate my current.... mindset, we've agreed to only date as a group. It would help resolve my early jealousy issues, and yet satisfies her desire and exposes me to poly.
I'm assuming you mean dating other people, not that the two of you only go out when there are other people (like the way some teen's parents try to make them do).

Getting your feet wet slowly and just getting used to the feelings of poly is a great idea. It sounds like you're committed to making it work, so I don't fear that you will try to hold your partner back. That's awesome!

As she has been interested in this for a while, she is much more versed in how to go about it than I. However, she also has never been in any serious relationship with anyone, and so I worry she may be a tad naive or idealistic on some topics.
That's a good observation and not without foundation. If it's any encouragement, my own husband was never in a serious relationship before we got together, and he's doing great with it. In all honesty, I'd be more confident about someone who had never been in a serious relationship vs someone who has been in dozens! If she's been true to herself to this point, to realize that the other people she's dated were not long-term material for her, not settling for someone who doesn't make her heart do flutter, and now she feels that you are, then she probably has a good sense of herself and what she wants out of life. I would never want to be someone's 4th wife... they've obviously proven that they don't have what it takes to stick to it for the long haul, combined with the naiveté to believe each time that "this time will be different"

Another thing, even though she's poly, it's still OK for you to be monogamous. You don't have to keep up with her or do the same things she does. There are a number of people here who are monogamous and in relationships with people who are poly, and it works very well for them. To this end, you may want to "wean yourself off" the group dates as you get comfortable with being in a relationship with a polyamorous person.
As I am sure any cat owner will be able to tell you,
someone else putting you in a box is entirely different
from getting into a box yourself.
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