Originally Posted by demanda
Last week he mentioned in a joking manner about us being a primary in a poly relationship. I was hurt and devastated and almost called the whole relationship off.)
In my opinion, if you're ready to call off a relationship over one incident, idea, comment, etc., then neither you nor your relationship is ready for marriage. I 100% promise that if you get married, you will face hardships a thousand times worse than a joking comment about being in a poly relationship. If you're ready to throw in the towel now, I promise marriage will only make it worse.
Originally Posted by LovingRadiance
Um, polyamory in and of itself isn't more or less immature. What IS more or less immature are people.
There are mature people who are polyamorous.
There are mature people who are monogomous.
There are immature people who are polyamorous.
There are immature people who are monogomous.
NONE of these above quotes suggests that you are ready for the level of commitment, responsibility and work marriage requires, much less the HIGHER level of commitment, responsibility and work that a POLY-marriage requires.
That doesn't mean foreboding for the relationship. It does mean that taking a long time to fix the issues permanently that already exist (like jealousy and insecurity) before embarking on either of those two types of relationships would be a GREAT idea.
So-thumbs up to Mon for giving you concrete, stable, sensible and sound advice, even if it was a bit painful for you read.
This is dead-on!
I don't think enough people look at the commitment and responsibility involved in marriage. They just see, "People who love each other should get married and live happily ever after."
I read a really good article in Women's Health last month about "Starter wives" ... how so many young couples get married and then are disillusioned by marriage, finding out that it's a crapload of WORK! Hey, where's my Prince Charming and fairy tale ending? .... it's in the Fairy Tales, that's where!!
My husband gawks at women and loves to point out great looking butts. And you know what? I love it! I'm so glad that he's comfortable enough with me and our relationship to feel safe doing that. He's not bipolar. My mom is Type I bipolar, and she identifies as asexual. She doesn't gawk at anyone. That's my two-person sample of counter-evidence...
I SO don't understand these women who get mad at their guys for checking out hot girls, when we sit around the water cooler discussing whether Brad Pitt or George Clooney is sexier. What's the difference?
Poly isn't for everyone, and not every person or relationship is ready for marriage. There's nothing wrong, weak, or bad about that. It's just life. Rushing into something before you're ready is a recipe for hardship. Why not go at a pace you're comfortable with?