Originally Posted by samaki82
I agree; I apologize for being so harsh. I just thought that it was a bit disrespectful the way she approached her advice. It was kind of a reaction to her dismissive reaction to me and my post. So Loving Radiance, I'm sorry for what I said.
I'm sorry if you interpretted my advice as dismissive.
Believe me-it's not-and it is heartfelt.
I don't in anyway advice FORGETTING about one's emotions.
Just step outside of them-not permanently-but pointedly and purposefully.
I was telling my husband the other day-as an example,
When we have an argument and I'm furious,
in my mind I may be thinking
But what I say is
I LOVE YOU!!!!
(even if I have to grit my teeth)
Then I count to whatever number it requires to make myself calm down enough to step out of my personal emotions and try to look at the issue from a more objective point of view.
It's not that my feelings aren't hurt or that I'm not angry. It's that I'm not focusing on that while I try to figure out solutions.
The links and the books I wrote about-I've read them, all of them. Every single word, every single page, some more than once.
I found them EXTREMELY helpful. They were lifesaving really.
My husband has HORRIBLE self-esteem, he's finally finding it-due in great part to reading that information.
He's also EXTREMELY possessive and insecure, that too is finally settling down for in, due in large part to reading that information.
PLEASE-before you lose your temper here, understand, that some of us have spent HOURS, DAYS, MONTHS, YEARS struggling through exactly the issues you are talking about, searching in vain for something somewhere that talks about how to fix it, and then found those answers finally and put them into practice.
If any of us come across as just saying "do this it works" it's probably because we're trying to save you from the "searching in vain" step we struggled through.
You can look through my history of posts and see that I spend a LOT of time helping people find answers for their specific situations. Lots of my time actually.
I have had people contact me who never did post on the board-because they read my posts and felt like they could trust me to be insiteful, caring, sincere and also honest is my suggestions and replies.
I'm not the kind of person to dismiss ANYONE's feelings-even if I don't agree with them.
I am however of the habit of giving the best concrete, simple suggestions that have the best chance of making a permanent, productive, lifechanging, lasting solution.
If it came off as careless or dismissive to you-I ask you to please re-read what I wrote and consider the possibility that not only are you emotional about your husband, but you are defensive as well.
I am unfortunately doing "double duty" right now. (crazy manic 2 year old running back and forth energetically while hubby is trying to nap! EEK)
I am usually very long-winded in my posts!
I was just trying not to overwhelm the OP since I was the "first responder".
Please feel free ANYONE who is new that see's this-if you don't understand me, or think I may be being careless-just ask!
I'm a friendly sort and never ever ever mind clarifying!
on that note Samaki-
Go ahead and bop me on the head for 1/2 through one post talking to you as though YOU were the OP.
At any rate-you did seem defensive. BUT-we all have those moments and I wasn't (and am not) upset, as I said-I've got a lot going on!
Some days I feel like I'm spinning in a big huge manic circle! Go figure huh?
I hope that I cleared up the confusion-
OP-please do write more. There are lots of us willing and able to talk and give a variety of suggestions and support for you!