Originally Posted by samaki82
I've never heard such generic, self-advertising crap in my life. I really hope she doesn't take this advice to heart. And how the hell are emotions not important?! Really?! Emotions play a HUGE role! Relationships aren't just about planning out something that you want. You have to work at them and figure out what you BOTH want AND feel. You are right about taking responsibility for your actions, but I think the approach was a little off. Seemed a bit harsh to me.
Emotions are important, however, if you want to make sensible decisions-you have to take yourself out of the heat of the emotion to consider it and think it through.
As a HIGHLY emotional person myself-I have a good amount of experience in this.
I didn't say that relationships are ONLY about planning. If they were, I wouldn't be married to the man I fell in love with (all emotions) 22 years ago. I sure as hell wouldn't be dating the boyfriend who fell for me 17 years ago (all emotion).
BUT-if I got caught up in the emotions of hurt, disappointment, fear etc-I also wouldn't be married to the man who broke my heart repeatedly with his mistakes in the last 22 years nor would I be dating the sweet man who broke my heart with his stupid little mistakes in the last 17 years AND that's not even considering all the mistakes I made that created all those painful emotions for them-if they had gotten too caught up in those emotions-we wouldn't be together either.
Emotions ARE important, but so is self-introspection.
Relationships are work.
Marriage is MORE work.
Poly is EVEN MORE work.
If one has a tendency to allow their emotions to drive their actions, instead of maintaining control over their behavior themselves, they aren't going to succeed at relationships, be they marriage, dating, mono, poly or whatever.
It wasn't meant to be a cruel post-but seeing as I'm not new to open relationships and I am successful in them; as I'm not struggling with communication, or low self-esteem, or jealousy, or fear of the unknown;
BUT I HAVE IN THE PAST and I MANAGED TO OVERCOME IT SUCCESSFULLY and to maintain successful relationships....
It stands to reason I might not be so "full of shit" as you think I am.