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Old 04-19-2010, 10:28 PM
samaki82 samaki82 is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2010
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I can't say that I've been in that type of situation and I'm new to this whole thing as well, but I feel for you and I hope that you can get things worked out. Communication is the key to any relationship and if that breaks down, then there isn't much of a relationship left. Sometimes the new relationship chemicals make people do dumb things as well. My advice would be to just try and communicate and if that doesn't work, then you may have to make a tough decision either way. I hope this helps some.

Quote:
Originally Posted by LovingRadiance View Post
FIRST-stop focusing on the EMOTIONS you are feeling and start focusing on your LONG TERM GOALS.

Second-make a list of what you absolutely NEED.

Third-make a list of things you would PREFER.

Fourth-make a list of 5 things you can do today to start pursuing the effort to get the things on your list.

Fifth-stop and think about what it is you are doing. THINKING something sounds "fun" is not the same as REALLY considering ALL OF THE POSSIBLE CONSEQUENCES.

In every action we take, every word we speak we create a ripple effect of consequences.Some are good, some are bad. A responsible person takes the time to REALLY deeply consider every single POSSIBLE consequence before they choose a course of action. Additionally they need to consider PROBABILITY of the consequences.

I read your post and my first thought was "well damn, it was only yesterday that Pastor Tim was talking about how God designed men to need sex and designed women to need love and that we need to work to fulfil one anothers needs." That thought was followed by-"so of course if you put it in front of him and you and/or he isn't REALLY taking time to consider ALL of the POSSIBLE consequences, shit is GOING to hit the fan."

Now-don't get me wrong, I am NOT saying he is not responsible for his actions. He absolutely is. You are also responsible. You both chose to take this course. There isn't a QUICK or EASY fix.

The good news is that educating yourself on polyamory and love and relationships and anything really will improve your plight!

www.lovemore.com
www.xeromag.com (click on polyamory then read the articles)
www.lovewithoutlimits.com

If you read books-check these out:
The Seven Levels of Intimacy (great book about intimacy and improving yourself and all of your relationships)
The New Love Without Limits (decent book about polyamory)
Opening Up (decent book about open relationships)
Living Happily Ever After (this one is a great one for improving yourself-not a polyamory book)
I've never heard such generic, self-advertising crap in my life. I really hope she doesn't take this advice to heart. And how the hell are emotions not important?! Really?! Emotions play a HUGE role! Relationships aren't just about planning out something that you want. You have to work at them and figure out what you BOTH want AND feel. You are right about taking responsibility for your actions, but I think the approach was a little off. Seemed a bit harsh to me.

Last edited by NeonKaos; 04-19-2010 at 11:30 PM. Reason: merge posts
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