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Old 04-19-2010, 10:08 PM
Nelara Nelara is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 2
Default Feeling hopeless in a V

My husband and I have been married for 3 years. We have talked about polyamory for a long time, it was always something that we felt would just happen if we found the right person. We met this woman that we both really liked, however she was living and in a relationship with another woman so it was never pursued. However, after talking to her about polyamory she seemed to come around to the idea and on an individual level my husband got closer to her than I did. He seemed interested in trying to pursue a relationship with her, and i personally was uncertain if i was straight or bisexual, or how anything would play out, but I agreed to let her visit us for awhile as she lived in another state.

She was still with her SO when she got here, and the relationship stuff had never been talked about. The second day she was here we ended up having a threesome, i was very uncomfortable because she was in a relationship and cheating on her SO. The first few days i seemed alright with the situation, until i noticed that my husband was completely neglecting me and only seemed interested in her. They started having sex constantly in another room, and i just broke down and couldn't handle it anymore. I did not want to start a relationship like this with sex being one of the first connections.

I am falling apart, for the last 4 days i can't stop crying or fighting with my husband. One of the major causes of my pain has been that my husband betrayed my trust and i felt like he risked my health by having unprotected sex with this woman. I feel like i can't trust him anymore, and all i want to do is crawl under a rock. I have scheduled an appointment with a therapist that is poly friendly in hopes that i can work through this, but i'm afraid i'm going to rip everything apart before i can get there.

Today, she broke up with her girlfriend and she has nowhere to go. I now feel like i have to just deal with this. I have extreme anxiety and have become very dependent on my husband, and have nowhere to go. I'm not sure what to do with myself because i can't stop feeling so depressed. Now i am going to be stuck living in this situation. I have barely had any time to spend talking to my husband about anything except fighting. I can tell he is pulling away as am I because of the way i feel.

I would appreciate any advice, as i feel so hopeless.
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