Its confusing, I know how badly I want this, so why do I have to get
upset about it at all?
Well, geez -- you're telling yourself that you are meeting someone who may share a role you've had by yourself for 14 years: as a lover of your husband! And you're thinking that someone may also be your lover, which is a heck of a charge of significance to carry into a first meeting! And someone who could impact your children, your home life, all kinds of things.
Do ya THINK there might be some angst around this meeting?
You're thinking a lot of things that may or may not be appropriate -- but which are certainly not going to happen at a first meeting.
You're honest with yourself and your husband. You have a strong marriage, you're both there for each other. It sounds like nothing is going to change that. That's a lot to have going for you. Your life is your own to shape, and that's what you're doing.
Redpepper: Try and see it as meeting a friend he has just made.
That's good advice, IMHO. Don't let this be a make-or-break, because it isn't. Don't make this anything more than an opportunity to meet someone interesting and talk to them openly. Maybe have a few laughs, share a few feelings. That's what a first date is all about, I think. RP is right.