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Old 06-18-2014, 09:02 PM
KC43 KC43 is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 618
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I'm feeling a little jealous and petty and I'm trying not to.

On my suggestion, Guy started a profile on OKCupid. He is several hundred miles away from me, and we are in an open relationship; he has maintained his profile on the site he and I met through, but it wasn't really working for him in his current location.

He told me he signed up on OKCupid, and he has told me he's been chatting with a few people. Which is fine. I do admit to a pang or two of jealousy about that, but it's more on the side of "They'll get to see him and I won't" rather than "I don't want him to see anyone else." I suggested OKCupid to him in the first place because I *want* him to be able to find other people to spend time with since we can't get together.

The main issue I'm having sounds small, but I have depression and so my mind takes small things and comes up with all the reasons they're horrible things, which is why I'm typing this.

When he did his profile, he set his relationship status to Single. I mentioned it to him after he told me to go ahead and check out the profile, and he said it was just what it defaulted to. He also said, emphatically and more than once, that he does NOT consider himself single, because he and I are in a committed relationship.

That was a few days ago. He has said three times now that he's going to change his status, but he hasn't yet. His profile doesn't mention any type of relationship at all, and that's bothering me. I know it isn't because he's trying to pretend he isn't in a relationship. That isn't the way he operates. And I know--and have told him--that it's his profile, so what I think it should or shouldn't say doesn't matter, and really isn't any of my business.

It doesn't bother me because someone might think he's single and therefore available for a wonderful monogamous relationship. He has put on his profile that he's only looking for friends or casual sex. It bothers me because I acknowledged his existence on my OKCupid profile, and I want him to acknowledge my existence. The depression demon (Hubby's term) is whispering that it's because Guy doesn't want any potential partners to know about me, and rationally I know that isn't it. Guy has told me many times that if it wasn't for concerns about his ex-wife finding out, he would tell everyone he knows about me, and I've heard him telling coworkers about me when he and I have been on the phone.

It's just one of those things I need to get over. I know if I told him how much it's bothering me and why, he would change the relationship status on his profile, or at least add a note that he's in a relationship with me. But I would rather that if he does that, it's because *he* has chosen to and not solely because of me.
__________________
Me: 44, cis-het female, poly
Hubby: my husband, 42, monogamous
S2: my "attachment", male, 44, undetermined
My daughters: Alt (age 19) and Country (age 16)
S2's sons: Spikes (age 9) and Beads (age 6)
Brick: male, 44, honorary "brother"
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