Thanks for the reply.
My kids are 7 and 9, theirs are 4 and 7, so they are young. So far we have kept everything a secret, but they cannot stay in the dark forever. I worry about how everything could affect them. I will look at the book you suggested
I do talk a lot to my girlfriend but virtually everything between her husband and I comes through her. He is very good to me and we talk easily about everyday things, but very little seriously. It's more like kids in that respect, gifts, gestures of affection, etc. I feel very connected to him, but we sometimes joke that he and I are like 4th graders, lots of teasing, but little actual communication. The rest of us (my husband included) talk more easily about things.
This lifestyle is new to all 4 of us and we all worry about how other friends would react if they knew, etc.... It's lots of fun, but it's scary too and I truly find myself in love with them both and caring for their children almost as if they were my own. We have discussed things to the point that we agree we are all attached and would view any extra affairs as a kind of cheating.
This is a confusing time.