Thanks so much for your quick reply! I found it to be very insightful and helpful.
I think that in terms of the two roles you described, I am straddling the fence between Column A and Column B. I respect their relationship and don't want to do anything to antagonize it. I also would like to meet the girlfriend, both because she simply sounds like a nice girl and I am curious, and the fact that she doesn't even know that I exist makes me a bit anxious. I would feel better knowing from the source that what me and the guy have is not crossing any boundaries of their relationship. I would also be interested in seeing if meeting me might help to allay some of her fears and reservations re: polyamory. What I know about their agreement is not much: I know that it is a 'tell, if asked' situation where she does not even know if or when he is having sex with others unless she specifically asks about it. I also know that her reluctance to accept the possibility of outside romantic partners is due to a fear of 'being replaced'. This being said, I don't want to actively try to persuade her, but simply be there and be open and friendly to try to show that I am not a threat; I cannot make anyone's mind up for them and to try to do so may do more harm than good, is my thought.
Also, what you said about wondering when the line is crossed between 'friends' and 'lovers' is something I've been wondering about myself. Him and I are already pursuing an unconventional relationship style, so I'm wondering if just saying 'I want a romantic relationship' in general terms might not make sense in this case, and that I should think through what, specifically I want from the relationship, whether or not I am getting those things already, and if I can be happy without those things which I am not getting. Do you think I'm on the right track?
I forgot to mention that he has not given me any sign of wanting to introduce me to his girlfriend. I have asked him about it, but he didn't really give me an answer. :/
Last edited by NeonKaos; 04-19-2010 at 11:38 PM.
Reason: merge posts