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Old 04-19-2010, 05:44 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 2,872

Originally Posted by sweetsara View Post
So we started searching for a girl to date and see where it lead. At first it was me searching. But I couldn't seem to find women interested in a man as well. And I want to find someone who is open to the idea of us all being in a relationship. So I told him to try. He did, and he found a nice girl who is interested in knowing both of us. So he went out and met her for the first time and I was having a hard time being nice to him for a while after. And that was wrong of me, because hes respecting all of my limits and doing everything I ask. I have started to talk about my feelings rather than get mad. Because all I am doing is hurting myself. He is not looking for a relationship outside of ours. I just for no reason at all feel that way.
Hmmm...this could be a few things, but finding a "3rd" comes with interesting problems. You and he need to like and be attracted to her, and she has to like and be attracted to the two of you (individually and as a couple). Could this lack of niceness be a reaction to you possibly not being interested in her?

It could be other things to, once you have what you thought you wanted, it might not be what you wanted. For example.

You need to become a little introspective and figure out what is happening

Today she is coming over and will be there when I get home. I get to meet her. I'm excited to do this. But I have all sorts of mixed feelings.

I don't think what I am feeling is jealousy. This is what I want too. I want a woman to be close to. One who is open to the possibilities with my husband and I. Someone who can spend time with my husband and I. My feelings almost messed things up as he said if I wasn't going to be okay with things he would tell her he couldn't talk to her anymore. I told him thats not what I want at all. I just wasn't raised this way. Although I later in life found out my dad cheated on my mom my entire childhood. I was raised believing people should be monogamous to only one other and be completely and totally happy, or miserable, with each other alone. I don't believe in that at all. So I don't know why I feel the way I do.
Maybe invite her to coffee and meet her alone. Since there should be 4 relationships in a triad you need to get to know her by yourself anyways and greet

Its confusing, I know how badly I want this, so why do I have to get
upset about it at all?

I may have repeated myself a few times. But thank you so much for this board!
I said this up there ^, but wanting this and liking and wanting her can be two very different things. Don't try and force a square peg into a round hole because you like the idea of something

I am not saying that this is the case, just observing what you wrote and giving you options. Really you need to dive into yourself and figure out

a) how you are reacting (since you don't think it is jealousy)
b) why you are reacting this way (weird vibe, you just aren't that into her, etc)

Good luck
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