New, a bit confused, and happy I found this forum!
Hi, I decided to search for a place I could possibly find support. At the time, most people in my life don't know that my husband and I have been interested in having someone join us in our relationship. So, I found this forum! Ive been browsing around, and already feel better.
Im confused by my feelings. And frustrated with myself.
My husband and I have been together for 14 years. I was 15 when we got together. We have two kids, a business and could not imagine life without one another. But we also realize there are parts of our life we want change in. We don't fulfill each others every need, nor do we expect to.
So we started searching for a girl to date and see where it lead. At first it was me searching. But I couldn't seem to find women interested in a man as well. And I want to find someone who is open to the idea of us all being in a relationship. So I told him to try. He did, and he found a nice girl who is interested in knowing both of us. So he went out and met her for the first time and I was having a hard time being nice to him for a while after. And that was wrong of me, because hes respecting all of my limits and doing everything I ask. I have started to talk about my feelings rather than get mad. Because all I am doing is hurting myself. He is not looking for a relationship outside of ours. I just for no reason at all feel that way.
Today she is coming over and will be there when I get home. I get to meet her. I'm excited to do this. But I have all sorts of mixed feelings.
I don't think what I am feeling is jealousy. This is what I want too. I want a woman to be close to. One who is open to the possibilities with my husband and I. Someone who can spend time with my husband and I. My feelings almost messed things up as he said if I wasn't going to be okay with things he would tell her he couldn't talk to her anymore. I told him thats not what I want at all. I just wasn't raised this way. Although I later in life found out my dad cheated on my mom my entire childhood. I was raised believing people should be monogamous to only one other and be completely and totally happy, or miserable, with each other alone. I don't believe in that at all. So I don't know why I feel the way I do.
Its confusing, I know how badly I want this, so why do I have to get upset about it at all?
I may have repeated myself a few times. But thank you so much for this board!