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Old 04-19-2010, 04:20 PM
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MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: In Redpepper's heart
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Hopefully I can be so bold as to point out that you are young my friend....roll with it! Exploring the relationship and the dynamic that may unfold could be a great learning experience as well as lead to a wonderful relationship.

It's not as if you and your girlfriend are signing a contract for life, your learning about each other and human connections in general.


Quote:
Originally Posted by SimpleSimian View Post

Unfortunately, many poly people get comfortable with the idea of an open relationship and don't realise that when monogamous people live in a monogamous relationship for long enough, they start to expect that it will always be that way. It seems to me that even though we say "yeah, we're cool with it," a proper serious conversation needs to be a standard thing that all poly people do when introducing the topic. To make sure that we really *understand* that they are *actually* poly and *always* will be.
SimpleSimian - you win the "Light bulb of Awareness" award today my friend
This is a very good point. Redpepepper has a tertiary lover who is a great guy but the sexual aspect of thier relationship has been suspended while he explores a relationship with a mono partner (damn monos LOL).
I don't have the same level of compersion/comfort for thier relationship that I do with her and Polynerdist which makes the idea of them having a break in the sexual aspect of worrisome to me. How long of a break would it take to make me struggle severely with thier relationship resuming sexually? How long would it take before I see it as a "new" relationship?
To avoid this I simply do not consider them having a break in intimacy. That way I will hopefully not get all weirded out the first time she says she's hanging out with him for an evening when they do resume sexual intimacy.

Yeah, I know this is not a very enlightened way of dealing with this particular issue, but I play mind games with myself in other areas to bridge the mono - poly differences as well....sooo sneaky


You make a great point that reminders of realistic expectations should be a part of a mono-poly relationship so neither partner gets lulled into a false sense of what the relationship is all about. I also agree that people really need to get deep when they discuss different approaches to relationships. It's not enough to say "I am monogamous"..you need to explain what that means as far as your expectations on a broad spectrum. It's also not enough to just listen to a partner say "I am poly"...you need to live in the moment of "they are going to spend nights snuggled into the arms of another person the way they do with you and are going to have sex with them".

Great advice my friend
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Last edited by MonoVCPHG; 04-19-2010 at 05:27 PM.
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