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Old 06-15-2014, 06:21 AM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Pennsyl-tucky
Posts: 1,857

Originally Posted by KC43 View Post
Wow... some people just do not ever outgrow high school.
My friend, Angel, and I have commented on this...when we were in high school/college we used to look forward to the day when we were "real adults" and wouldn't have to deal with people playing these stupid games. Then we "grew up" and got real jobs with responsibilities and found that...damn it, people were STILL playing these stupid games.

Originally Posted by KC43 View Post
She bitches about people causing drama, but she'll... But she claims she hates drama and never engages in it. And she claims to hate liars...
Yup, they can't see it in themselves. Because their dramas are REAL (to them) and other people are...just not important.

Originally Posted by KC43 View Post
I do wish I had more confidence. I wish I could go up to a man I'm interested in and say "Hey, wanna fuck". (I can't even do that with Hubby and Guy most of the time...) I wish I could live my life the way I want to without letting other people's opinions get to me.

But I wouldn't want to live my life the way Betty lives hers. She hurts people for the fun of it, or because she believes they deserve it, or whatever. She causes rifts in relationships and marriages as well as friendships.
You can work on not "letting other people's opinions get to me" without turning into Betty. Those are not the only two options! I don't really have an issue with confidence/insecurity and I only actually care about the opinions of people that I respect (everyone else can take a flying leap as far as I am concerned). But if I behaved as Betty does - from what you are describing she hurts people because she can, it gives her a sense of power - I would not respect myself - hurting other people to boost your sense of self, or out of indifference, or whatever, is NOT respectable behavior in my book.

Originally Posted by KC43 View Post
I almost fell into the trap of hating her and feeling "better" than her ... but that isn't me. And that's the point. I don't hurt anyone deliberately, and if I find out I have hurt someone, I want to fix it... But that doesn't mean I'm a better person than she is. She and I each have different issues, and she has a different way of behaving and dealing with her issues than what I have.
Yes. You are a decent human being (at least from what I can tell reading your posts here) - you recognize that your words/actions/decisions affect other people, and you care. Does that make you a "better" person? It really depends on whose "scale" you are using for "better" - I know who I, personally, would be more likely to enjoy spending time with (that's you, in case you missed it ).

Now, maybe, unbeknownst to you she rescues abused puppies, donates all her money to charity and reads to the blind. Maybe she suffered horrible abuse that I can't even fathom and that has led to her current state. I don't know. BUT, just because someone is a "good person" or has overcome horrendous circumstances, does NOT mean that we have to befriend them or allow them to have significant influence in our lives. If the association is not a positive one for you ... you can choose to let it go.

Originally Posted by KC43 View Post
I feel a little sorry for her, because almost everyone who knows her, knows that she does this kind of thing, and because of it, very few people trust her. (Even before I found out all of this, I never completely trusted her, but I'd chalked it up to the fact that I have trust issues and never completely trust anyone.)
This is the type of "non-mystical karma" that I believe...we reap the consequences of the behaviour we sow. She behaves in untrustworthy ways (for whatever reasons) and, then, people don't trust her. That is her choice. Perhaps she is fine with people not trusting her. Perhaps the behavior (unhealthy as it seems to us) is more important to her than trust. Perhaps...lots of things. In this particular case you did not trust an untrustworthy can learn from this. Not all of your "trust issues" are might just need to learn how to "fine tune" your "trust-worthy" sensor.

Originally Posted by KC43 View Post
...I don't know if anyone actually reads this blog
Well, I do (and from the "view" numbers I am not the only one)! (We don't tend to comment on the blogs unless a question is asked - it's the only part of the forum where people are given "personal space" to tell their stories and vent. )

Originally Posted by KC43 View Post
I still intend to be friendly with Betty if I see her at parties and such...guardedly so, more guarded than I have been, but even though she's apparently said all these things behind my back, she's been friendly to me when we've seen each other since she said all these things. And in the past, she's helped and listened when I've been dealing with problems. So she's racked up a few goodwill points in my book; not enough to completely offset what I've learned, but enough for me to still be friendly to her when I encounter her.
I completely agree with this. I tend to place more credence in how people have interacted with me personally than in what anyone else says they said/did...but you do keep that in the back of your mind. In your shoes, I would move her to the "acquaintance" level, be civil and kind, but be mindful and NOT provide her with any ammunition to use to sabotage your, or anyone else's relations.

I think you are doing a really good job here in analyzing her interactions with the people you know and care about without flying off the handle.

Just my take on what you have written...

Me: poly bi female, in an "open-but-not-looking" V-plus with -
MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (24+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (6+ yrs) and MrS's BFF
SLeW: platonic hetero girlfriend and BFF
MrClean: hetero mono male, almost lover-friend to me, FWBs to SLeW
+ "others" = FBs, FWBs, lover-friends, platonic G/BFs, boytoys, etc.

My poly blogs here:
The Journey of JaneQSmythe
The Notebook of JaneQSmythe

Last edited by JaneQSmythe; 06-15-2014 at 06:27 AM. Reason: clarity...and closed parentheticals
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