Originally Posted by idealist
I hear the logic and reason in this statement, but it doesn't apply to me and I would assume that for anyone like me who simply is not wired for monogamy, this statement might not apply to them either. My relationships broke up because we were trying to label them as "lifetime monogamous" relationships and I can't seem to sustain a relationship more than 3 years with that label on it.
But the relationships themselves were good, healthy, open, honest and full of trust and respect. That's why I still see 5 of my ex's. I'm not sexual with one of them, but he wants me to go on a cruise with him, so who knows what might happen!!!
I see what you're saying... that before you realized you were poly, you were trying to fit in a mould that just was't sustainable for you. Now that you've broken out of the mould, some of those relationships may still have some value, but in a new poly context.
That makes sense.
I suppose what I had in mind was more things like, you treat me badly, or I just don't love you anymore, or I want kids and you don't, or we're just too completely different..... There must be some former lovers in your lives, Idealist and vandalin, with whom you broke up with for reasons other than monogamy-not-working, people that you would have broken up with even in a poly arrangement... Think back to high school and college if you have to. Those were the kinds of breakups I had in mind with my post... And those are the kinds of relationships I can't understand picking up again.
I also know there are couples that just don't work having their lives so intertwined, but are great as "special friends" who might be on-again-off-again for decades, even in a monogamy context (i.e. they date when they're both single, and stop when one of them partners up).
I'm all for the "see what happens" type of friendship/relationship. Those are my favourite. I never like to force things or put labels for the sake of labels. Of course, the bottom line is, if it makes you happy and no one's getting hurt, then it's the right thing for you to do at that point in your life.
[[this is an interesting subject, I wouldn't mind having these 4 posts split off into a new topic if a Mod would be willing]]