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Old 04-19-2010, 07:25 AM
DownTheRabbitHole DownTheRabbitHole is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 2
Default New in so many ways

Hello all,

I am a 23 year old, straight monogamous male. Or at least I was. One of my closest female childhood friends, that identifies as bi, recently asked me out. However, it has been clear, both before that time and now, that she is interested in a poly relationship. As it stands she has nobody in particular in mind beyond me, but the idea of being "tied down", as she puts it, to just me, was enough to put her through a nervous breakdown. We've been so close for years that I want nothing more than to spend the rest of my life with her, and I suppose that's part of my problem.

I've always been monogamous. My one serious prior relationship was monogamous and I was completely happy with the experience (broken up by long distance in the end). While I myself am not particularly religious, my family is Roman Catholic, and while extremely open as such, don't see them being too happy with what I'm going along with here. I have nothing against the idea of poly myself, I merely have never considered it (beyond it's existence in our favorite scifi author Heinlein's novels), up until now.

My reservations on the idea stem from that fact. I've managed to go through my life completely happy in monogamous relationships, and the status quo of what I have (stable loving family, less complicated plans for the future), come into jeopardy for this relationship. Because I still feel that I'm very much "hard wired mono," I don't really see any particular reason to become poly, other than of course my love for my now girlfriend.

But that is enough for me. What problems I have with poly stem more from a logistical standpoint than anything, and I am more than happy to explore this lifestyle if it means that we can be together, and she can be happy. I am simply worried whether or not I will be able to adjust to this lifestyle. The additional bridges I would have to cross if she becomes interested in another man, or if I have more trouble than I expect getting over my jealousy or security issues.


We are very good about communication (came with the years), and by talking to her about this topic we've come to an understanding about how we will go about it. To accommodate my current.... mindset, we've agreed to only date as a group. It would help resolve my early jealousy issues, and yet satisfies her desire and exposes me to poly. As she has been interested in this for a while, she is much more versed in how to go about it than I. However, she also has never been in any serious relationship with anyone, and so I worry she may be a tad naive or idealistic on some topics. And so for different reasons, we are both treading on new ground. We know we'll just have to take it slow, and approach new things one step at a time.

This is one of those steps, at least for me. It is reassuring to see a thriving online community that's gone through all of the things we are likely to face, and so I intend to utilize this resource to further explore the questions and concerns I have. And so this is my obligatory hello first post, and I suspect not my last.

-Zachary
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