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Old 04-19-2010, 05:37 AM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Canada
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Originally Posted by jaksmakndaxter View Post
She approached me about urges she's been having about another man. At 1st I didn't know how to handle it and I was upset, but I also realize we can't control how we feel about anything so after calming down I was able to discuss it rationally. Problem is I'm big on trust,and she kept her feelings from me before speaking on it
Urges are just urges, it often takes time for a person to realize they're having them, and even longer to come to terms and feel comfortable enough with them to put their relationship at risk by talking about it.

Originally Posted by jaksmakndaxter View Post
My fiance and I are actively looking for partners to enjoy,and should we really enjoy what we taste,and would like to do it more than just the one time, we both discuss it and then set up a meeting so we can both be comfortable with the other person.If one of us is not comfortable with the other it also would be discussed and ultimately the venture would continue no further.
Is it correct that what you're talking about by "urges" and "partners to enjoy" means you want to have sex with people, maybe more than once, but you are not interested in "being in love" with them? Then YGirl's right, that's swinging.

Polyamory is more focused on multiple loving relationships with other people. Yes, these are usually also sexual, but they are also loving and romantic, just like the one you have with your fiance. In fact, it's not uncommon for polyamorous people to have two spouses, to have a loving, spiritual, romantic connection to both of them.

We're by no means trying to invalidate your desires or what you want in a relationship. But the issues faced by swinging are somewhat different than those face by polyamory, and having the usual label for it (even though I hate labels) can help you find the most appropriate information and support.
As I am sure any cat owner will be able to tell you,
someone else putting you in a box is entirely different
from getting into a box yourself.
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