Originally Posted by SchrodingersCat
But it's ok for you to assume that the daughter is so blind, deaf and stupid not to notice that her dad is sleeping with the housemate? Perhaps that was why she was snooping through your phone in the first place, to find out for sure. Teenagers are sex-crazed with heightened senses of sexual and romantic exchanges.
These are all reasons why it's so much easier to just be honest in the first place. Seems a little audacious for you grown-ups to be offended by her reaction when she caught you in a lie. What about the feelings of the teenager, who just found out that some of the most important people in her life have been lying to her for months?
You all lied to her, and now you're insulted that she believed you? hmmm...
We never actually lied to her, we just never sat her down and explained what was going on. The only times she directly asked were when it was really absurd, like the time she thought we were having a 3-way in the freezer in the garage, and that we truthfully told her that no, we were cleaning out all the old freezer-burned stuff at the bottom, which is really not the same as sex, which should not involve anything getting freezer-burned. We just didn't think she wanted to know, and if she'd come to us earlier and seriously asked if there was something going on, this discussion would have happened then.
Right now, they're functionally monogamous, he's not sexually involved with me, and hasn't been since last summer. So, all that is going on now is lots of UST, which has been going on for years, he thought I was hot before he met her mom, I had a thing for him before he introduced me to her when they were first dating. So, there was never an official relationship, we didn't think she wanted to know about our sex life, and there's been flirtations/tensions since before she met either of us- and it wouldn't have seemed appropriate for him to introduce me to his new girlfriend's 9 yr old as "This is D, I'd like to bang her if she'd get rid of the douchebag she's married to.".
I still don't know her entire reaction, but the little I got made it clear that she understands, and I'm hoping that us being more open about what we're dealing with will give her guidance in being ethical in her own situations.