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Old 06-12-2014, 12:57 PM
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YouAreHere YouAreHere is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: SoNH
Posts: 1,200

I tend to be a competitive person in general - good in school, fairly driven at work, the whole deal. It's been beneficial in those situations, but really NOT beneficial at all in this type of relationship.

The way this manifests (for me) is that when I see/hear something my metamour is doing for my partner, I want to do it too. He likes it, I should do it. It'd make me a better partner to do everything he likes, right? Well... no, not really. It makes me less "me" and more "her" and what he really wants out of a relationship with me is... me.

I've basically asked to stop seeing her gooshier Facebook posts to him, since I want to compete there by being just as gooshy, but it's not me and just feels weird and unnatural. I don't even ask about their sex life. I know they're loud, that's about it (based on complaints by the neighbors). I don't want to get wrapped up in THAT type of competitive cycle.

Our relationship is ours. Based on that alone, it's a damned good one, and there's no need to change anything based on outside circumstances. It stands or falls on its own merit, and after a while, it does feel pretty good to just be able to be you and not worry about what other people are doing.
Dramatis personae:
Me: Mono. Divorced, two kids (DanceGirl, 15; and PokéGirl, 12), two cats, one house, many projects.
Chops: My partner. Poly. In relationships with me, Xena, and Noa.
Xena: Poly. In a relationship with Chops. Dating others.
Noa: Married, Poly. In a relationship with Chops.

External blog with a mono/poly focus: From Baltic to Boardwalk
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