This is some overwhelmingly excellent stuff. I'm glad as hell I joined this forum and reached out to the community. Man, poly people are intelligent folks, and generous to reach back to a stranger newbie with such detailed insight
I suppose I do suffer from some self-esteem issues. I am mostly happy with who I am, but I think I put a lot of pressure on myself to be totally awesome in all categories and am stressing myself out trying to achieve this. I have weaknesses and need to be patient with myself working on them and not expect myself to be the best at something as immediately as it's required of me.
With respect to the notion that some people are just better at things, I think I can relate with that. If you reduce the sexual experience of B and T to a simple "task" of "who can go the hardest for the longest with the most intensity" then perhaps I would have to concede that B is in fact better at that task. But the question is, does that make the sex more enjoyable for T? The answer would likely be "Sometimes." But even if she prefers the hot monkey sex over the slow and erotic sex 4 out of 5 times... I am still the #1 choice for at least some of the time.
And of course sexual connections are dynamic and T's connection with both B and myself will inevitably evolve. Both connections are still young. Maybe my connection with T will evolve in such a way that we're having the hot monkey sex too sometimes. And maybe beneath that, there will still be our foundation of the deep, sensual and spiritual connection that we share.
Feeling mostly better about this now, and I can't thank you all enough for your insights. Clearly this is an awesome community of some enlightened individuals