Thread: Wide Awake
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Old 06-09-2014, 11:21 PM
FullofLove1052 FullofLove1052 is offline
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Location: English Rose by birth; Calling the Southern Hemi home by choice.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SNeacail View Post
I think this is something you need to talk over with Matt. While there may be a point where certain PDA can step over the line and become disrespectful to your spouse, it doesn't necessarily mean that all of it is or that Matt feels the same way. I spent 20 years holding myself back, censoring myself around people and keeping my distance, because "I" thought that was how a wife "should" behave. It was extremely destructive to myself, and kept me from having any true friends for a very long time. I also think my marriage suffered from it.
We have talked about it, and his response has continued to be very vague. Something similar to, "I cannot tell you who to have contact with. Your life and your decision. I trust your judgement." At the very least, he was tolerant because it started before him. I cannot get him to admit how he feels now after all the changes. In all the years I was with my ex, he never once told me to leave her. Privately, he knew it was toxic situation, but he kept quiet because of that whole autonomy bullshit. He has it in his brain that speaking out against something he disapproves of regarding me/my life is somehow infringing on my right to be in control of what I do. If I could make him believe that it is okay to have an opinion and voice regarding my life, it would be a great day.

Quote:
You think you tend to go overboard and start crossing lines, come up with some kind of code that Matt can let you know when he thinks you might be getting close to that line. From what I have read here, you are a person that needs that touchy/feely connection with people. This is not wrong! You have been used to one extreme and right now you have swung towards the complete opposite, now it's time to start looking for the better middle ground.
I stopped feeling comfortable with that behaviour. It was a poor reflection. I cannot present the image of a mono couple, if I am in public being affectionate and professing my love for someone else. It looks bad and like I am cheating. Even if he was truly okay with it, I am not comfortable with that type of contact with anyone but him now. I do not cuddle with other friends or go on dates with them. I have to treat her like other friends. I realise the love is mutual, but I cannot feed it. I have to ignore it because I was giving a false sense of something. I should probably ask my therapist how I should handle it.
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