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Old 06-09-2014, 06:38 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 4,452

It's normal to grieve a loss, even if the change is a wanted one. Just like going from "couple" to "parents" -- that too is a change even if a baby is a wanted change. It takes people however long it takes to process but if you wanted to look at a rough chart, here is one.

That doesn't mean other bumps won't happen along the way, but it can help to know that even if on the "tree level" things feel shaky, up on the "forest level" it's ok to feel that for the situation at hand. It can also help to spread out some known bumps. Sometimes life dumps whatever on you, but if you know you are still grieving ex husband hard right now, and struggling with anticipatory grief in opening your current marriage to more, maybe holding off on changes isn't so terrible. Your current husband is willing to work with that so could go with it and not rush into big life changes and piling up a bunch together.

Maybe keep on with the "making room" and processing in heart and mind , but don't move on to "pursuit" just yet. Spread it out some. Talk about poly hell issues and how to minimize them. Think and make ready. It's ok to take time to do that. And though he's not newborn babe-in-arms any more, a toddler still requires a lot of care. Find a balance.

You know, being logical sucks. You know why you're doing something, but that doesn't mean you can stop doing it.
Yup. It can stink. But one must still have time to process it in even if one knows WHY.

Anyway, has anyone else suffered grief without jealousy during the start of a going-from-semi-monogamy-to-polyamorus relationship? Is this just me?
Not just you. BTDT. So have others. You will be ok. Breathe, go slow, talk with spouse, and slowly find your way. It takes time for the "new normal" to become normal.


Last edited by GalaGirl; 06-09-2014 at 06:44 PM.
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