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Old 06-09-2014, 12:57 PM
sparklepop sparklepop is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 467
Default What would you do?

Hi guys,

So, I'm just going to get straight down to it.

In our poly V, we've always had a rule about practicing safe sex with others. When this has involved PIV sex, condoms have always been a requirement.

However, my GF recently had sex with her current secondary for the first time, unprotected, using the withdrawal method. This was followed by a pregnancy scare when her period was late.

This really isn't sitting right with me.

Just before this happened, we had talked about contraception. She'd said that sex with her secondary wasn't likely any time soon, but when it finally did happen, she'd probably use the withdrawal method. I expressed that I was extremely uncomfortable with this. I thought we had left the conversation with the agreement that she was going to look into female contraception options. She assured me that she didn't want to bring an unwanted baby into our relationship. I wasn't prepared to find out that about a week later, she went ahead and used the withdrawal method with her secondary.

I should mention that she has extremely low fertility and was told, after years of trying, that her chances of getting pregnant were minute. When she became pregnant with our (now 5 year old) daughter, it was out of the blue.

She now seems to have forgotten everything she said during our discussion and now feels that in the unlikely (?) event that she became pregnant, we'd have to deal with it as and when. She even started talking about the possibility of us raising any potential baby as our own. It has sent me into panic mode.

I could really use a second opinion on this. Do any of you use the withdrawal method? Where is the line here between personal choice about our own bodies and taking risks that could be life changing for our partners? Given GF's low fertility, am I overreacting here? Have you discussed what you would do if an accidental pregnancy happened? Any thoughts you have would be greatly appreciated.
Me: 32f, evolving

“Peace comes from within. Do not seek it without." ~ Buddha
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