How should I talk to my wife about me seeing other women?
I'll try to keep the background as brief as possible, but I should give a little history before I pose my dilemma.
I've been married for 18 years (me 38/her 40), and although we'd enjoyed a good bit of "pillow talk" over the years about including other men or women in our sex life, that's as far as it ever went. Then, about two years ago, my wife had a hot and unexpected encounter with a female FOF, and it awoke new feelings in both of us, not all of them sexual. We talked it over - a lot - and we decided to try a full poly relationship. It lasted about a year, and although they shared the deepest involvement, there were a few nights we all went to bed together. Since that relationship ended, my wife has not actively looked for another female partner, but is open to another experience and sometimes brings it up. She says she has no interest in men and that's ok with me, but I'm open to trying that as well.
So after all the background, here's my problem. For the last 20 years I've told my wife that she is the only woman I'm really interested in, sexually or emotionally. For the last 18 years, I believed it with all my heart. I'd messed around with a couple girlfriends before her, but she was my first - and still only - sexual partner. Now I am thinking more and more that I'd like to try relationships with other women. Not necessarily on only a sexual level, although that's often my focus. (Hey, sorry - I'm a guy.) To complicate the situation, she has pretty severe self-esteem issues, mostly due to weight. We talked briefly about whether I wanted to see other people back when her fling started about 2 years ago - which I didn't, not at the time - but we haven't really talked since then.
I want to bring it up, but I've known this woman for a long time, and I think it would be uncomfortable at best. She may say "okay" or even think she herself is fine with the idea in theory, but at whatever point I started seeing someone else, I think it would be extremely hard for her to handle, whether she was honest with me about that or not. I could be wrong, but I've seen her react to situations for 20 years and I know her very well.
If I've omitted anything relevant please let me know. I love my wife but I was surprised at how much I enjoyed the experience of watching her fall in love with someone else. I hope she would have the same feelings if I saw another woman, but my knowledge and history with her tells me otherwise. I never thought I would want to give it a try myself, but it's been on my mind more and more.