Lately things have been a little stressed. PunkRock and I had a pretty big misunderstanding earlier this week, regarding the sex we were having at the time, but we worked it out eventually. I was in tears by the end though, and he was teary. Since then I have been a bit more on edge, but our relationship is still fine.
I actually was out of sorts last night and today. I would like some advice.
PunkRock has his bed here now and so he and DarkKnight have been switching nights back and forth with who sleeps in my bedroom and it is causing me stress. Last night, DarkKnight and I had a great casual dinner date, followed by Starbucks. About 3 hours full of chatting and together time. We returned home, watched a couple of episodes of Breaking Bad (we are finally on season 4) and then PunkRock arrived home from work. I hadn't seen him all day, so I sat with him while he ate his Chinese takeout and we talked about schedules, life, etc.
It had been decided earlier in the week that DarkKnight would sleepover in my room that night, but I honestly had had enough time with him, and I felt really connected and wanting to snuggle with PunkRock. I didn't want to hurt DarkKnight's feelings, especially since for the next two hours he retired to his own bedroom, so as to give PunkRock and I that connection time.
But at 10, he arrived to go to bed, and we snuggled and then he wanted to sleep. I was wide awake and wanting to be with PunkRock. So, I retreated from my own room to PunkRock's bed, to read a book while he unpacked some more of his boxes. After about an hour, we were both ready for bed. I did not in any way want to go and snuggle with DarkKnight. I wanted to stay put. However, I went back to my room, and DarkKnight was quite snuggly. I got over it and enjoyed having him there, but I had stress dreams all night. In the morning, after DarkKnight went to work (he works at home, in a basement office) I went and got PunkRock to come snuggle me in my bedroom. We later had sex in the morning, before he left for work too.
Wow - was I emotional. I don't feel like this is balanced. I talked to DarkKnight about what happened and was quite teary and wanting his feelings. He called me silly, was super sweet and supportive. He said he was 100% ok with what happened and said I am crazy to think that any of us will have the same sleep schedules or balanced needs on any particular day. He said he was fine with how I handled things. He really was.
I, however, feel like I cheated DarkKnight out of a night with me. I feel a little ashamed for having such a strong preference for an overnight with PunkRockAwesomesauce. I say that, but then can understand what DarkKnight was trying to get me to acknowledge - he is not touchy feely when sleeping, whereas PunkRock holds me close constantly, which is something I love and feel like I benefit from. PunkRock is a night owl, DarkKnight would like to have lights out no later than 10. I usually like staying up til midnight or so. I annoy DarkKnight most nights, wanting to stay up later, etc.
Sigh. I don't know. I do know I felt like a terrible person. DarkKnight says maybe we shouldn't decide sleeping arrangements until bed time. Maybe that is better.
Any advice on how to balance? I do think DarkKnight is ok but I was not and I still feel unhappy with how things went. I haven't had a chance to talk to PunkRock.
DarkKnight says he would have not even felt bad if I had told him I wanted to stay with PunkRock as an overnight partner last night. He said he wouldn't have taken it as some sort of pronouncement on a permanent preference. I have a fear, I think, that he would, or that PunkRock would, if their positions had been reversed. He says he would have seen my need for connection with PunkRock at that time, and been fine. He said he was fine with being alone for a while, but also would have been ok with being, uh, banished, to his own room earlier.
Can I do that? I don't know if I like having this power, as a hinge. To have to decide this sort of thing and potentially hurt one of my guys is intimidating and it is hurting me. I guess they ARE grown and should be able to articulate their own feelings. Lol Sigh.
How do other co habitating couples handle this?
Hinge in a poly-fi vee with two mono men
Wife to DarkKnight, Engaged to PunkRockAwesomesauce
Thinking of dating again
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