Well apparently my blog was utilized by Dude in trying to sabotage bassman & wild orchid's relationship by dude. Yep that's right. I never, in my wildest dreams, imagined what I wrote here would be outed to any one I had not shared I felt comfortable with them reading my inner thoughts nor that my struggle with poly would be used against my metamour or my love.
My blog was shared to my metamour's adult children in some childish attempt to guilt wild orchid, through their kids, to break up with bassman.
I was apologized to but don't know if its genuine. The apology came late last night. Wild orchid discovered this yesterday, but this act of violation, was done weeks ago.
Remember back when I was really struggling? That's when I was in frequent contact with dude. My comperting started to return as soon as I cut off communication. I am in a happy place a lot since then.
The last few days I started thinking the what if's. Like, had I not cut off communication & hung out at their home (putting myself in a situation I knew would be hard for me if PDA occurred) would these shenanigans happened? There's much more than Trust violations that has been happening (not bassman but DUDE for his transgression) but a total whirlwind of losing one's shit at a birthday party and the catalyst of bassman fucking up, was dude. NOTE bassman takes 100% responsibility for that behavior chosen as well as I do.
The reality of a W is the poly math even affects the outside ends.
Sunday I invited wild orchid to dinner. I made red sauce with angel hair pasta. We watched a movie. It was fun times. They went for a walk. Then I got annoyed at how long they were gone, started thinking too much of that one night and let it be known i started struggling. I'm getting there but am not quite 100% there.
I know wild orchid needs extra love and support. Frick its their 24 year anniversary next week and this is going down-insecurity, fear of abandonment from dude. I just realized my new issue is not jealousy or even envy but fear that any one on one time with bassman is getting eaten up by the drama in that V dude-wild orchid-bassman relationship.
Last night we had wild orchid over after her yoga class ( she's over in this area taking this class with good friends). It was a wonderful night. No weirdness. Ladies received foot massages. Nature entertained us with lightening, thunder and rain. Normally they do Monday overnights at her place (remember dude's girlfriend moved in there). But bassman had to reschedule for work reasons. They are doing there overnight tonight & its a mystery where...since her home base isn't bassman friendly. Actually I know where but its my secret.
In my love life. There's a local guy on Okc who wants to meet. I'm not sure yet. I sincerely am not feeling the energy in persuing a third relationship. New ldr D/s guy will be meeting each other in 3 weeks. He's 4 hours away. That's much closer than Seattle. I've discussed my hard limits, curiosities, likes-have done & dislikes of his fetishes and adding a few of my own.
Funny about timing and intent. At same time of chatting with Wolfe I sent this guy an Okc message about my inner confusion of being a Switch or something else. I figure I'm unsure and wanting to explore. He is polyamorous. It didn't start out at all as me wanting more than my question I posed answered. I first looked at his fet profile, loved a few pics that tore at me - the voyeur & sub. He initiated next in giving me his number. Communication blossomed. The kink talk is here and there possibly 50/50 with rest on daily life activities & learning about each other. He's 41, tall, 6'2 and just intrigues me.
I'm getting excited to meet him. I like our interactions - or the amount. He typically initiates the first text of the day & always asks me a question. I respond. Sometimes there's a few more spread out through the day. Its nice. I feel confidence from him and within. I am not drained from it as I have been with last few potentials.
And that is back to this third guy (1-bassman 2-mmm still no idea yet ldr) and my energy levels. I'm content. There are some scheduling changes about to occur in next week or two. Bassman hours changing. I'll be requesting to start work at 6am to 2pm. Teens summer soccer (high school training & club soccer) schedule. And decisions to make in child care (4 week notice required). I'm not sure I have energy for more investment in one more right now. Life isn't just my V but each relationship with the 3 kids. Those needs of these three are so different due to huge age differences and sexes. (16f, 8m & 3f). And last but not least is myself and my personal time. There isn't much of that (2:24 am right now - bed is calling). Not sure I'm able to sacrifice more of that right now.