The husband is coming around
So good news on the part with the J's husband. They had a good long talk last night. And she text me to let me know that he simply asked for some time with her. He doesn't want her to end her relationship with my husband, he just needs a small break so that he can have some quality time with his wife. With everyone on board, the blessing was given for the two of them to continue but to hold off on sexual relations for a couple of weeks.
As for me I am happy to see my husband smile again. I went to lunch with J yesterday to check on her. This was before she talked to her husband. While she was trying to keep a smile on her face it was pretty easy to see through. Her eyes looked very tired and strained.
My husband wasn't much better. He was taking things pretty hard. Them working together only made it worse because it was awkward between the two of them. This was something I had never seen from him before. He was hurting. He wasn't really withdrawn from me. I can't really say he was distant. He was strained himself. He was teared up a little the first night but pushed it away so I wouldn't see him cry over another woman. He held me close but there was something missing in his face and voice. I don't think he even realized how much I could really see. And there was nothing I could do for him. It wasn't me this time that was crying and begging silently for someone to make the pain go away from my heart. And it hurt a bit to know that I wasn't the thing in his life that he was longing for right now. He had me and that was what got him through these last couple of days. I wanted to bad to be enough for him to be happy. But I wasn't. He wanted her too. And that hurt. But as much as that hurt. It hurt so much more to see him like this. To see him trying to hide behind his work and our marriage from how much he missed her.
When J came back and had worked everything out with her husband I saw some of that light return to him. She is in bliss. Husband is treading water carefully. He is afraid of being hurt again. I just have to remind him that her husband didn't do anything wrong. I have had those hard times as well. And her husband never asked for them to stop. J was calling it quits to save her husband from further pain. And when they talked they were able to find common ground. Neither her husband nor I will ever ask them to stop seeing each other no matter the pain. Seeing their faces and watching what they go through is worse.
Now I am trying to fight through the feelings of knowing that just being with me wasn't what made him this happy again. He told me last night that when I showed up at work for the both of them, and even though I had to see them separately, it saved his day. It made it that much easier to get through. And I really appreciate that. It just gives me mixed emotions because I am sad that my husband was missing that big of a chunk of his life because of another woman. I want to have that whole heart and not share it but I can't do that anymore.
I am not freaking out or melting down. I am just a little sad. I am so happy that they worked things out. I told him I just can't bear to see him hurt that much. And if he ever needs me anywhere I will be there no questions asked. It is just a little heart wrenching sometimes. Typing this out is helping. I really love this blog thing. Helps get my thoughts out.