Hi everybody. I'm very much new to Polyamory. I'm engaged to the love of my life,who was already practicing Poly before I met her. She approached me about urges she's been having about another man. At 1st I didn't know how to handle it and I was upset, but I also realize we can't control how we feel about anything so after calming down I was able to discuss it rationally. Problem is I'm big on trust,and she kept her feelings from me before speaking on it (I have an uncanny ability to "feel" when something is wrong in my relationships),and I can't say I blame her;how do approach the one you love,who is a known Monogamist,that you have sexual urges for another?(hope I spelled that right) When I was 1st told about it I felt negative feelings,mainly because my trust for her was damaged in the process,towards the guy she has feelings for.
We have since discussed things and are on our way to what I hope to be a very productive Polyamorous relationship. I have some hurdles to clear that many of will undoubtedly be able to help me through,if you would be so kind. I'm shedding the outer shell that says being with one person is the way to go;I'm human, and as such I have sexual urges for other people all the time,but I never attemted to act on them because of what I've always known in life. Even though my trust with my fiance is damaged,it's not so much so that I don't wanna be with her,and we have both verbally agreed that we both very much wish to remain together through this,to remain primary.
I suggested that since I will have the biggest issue with another person within our circle that I find a female partner 1st;reason being,if I can sleep with another woman and not have a problem with it,then I'd be far less likely to have an issue with her and a seperate partner. I really want this to work out,and I have enough of an open mind to do this with her
Is there anyone who can help me in dealing with the initial feeling associated with knowing your partner is elsewhere with another? Any thoughts and stories would be greatly appreciated,and could potentially help to feed our relationship.
I think it's necessary to point out that I did not know fully the extent of her ventures into Poly,as that information was not shared,but I am willing to participate.
Last edited by NeonKaos; 04-18-2010 at 05:03 PM.