Thank you all for sharing your thoughts. Yesterday I wrote a big long response but got distracted before I sent it and my computer shut down a little while later and deleted it! Waaah! Anyway.
MsChristy, originally, I did not think they would meet because they are both pretty shy and it seemed unnecessarily awkward, since the relationships are separate. Then, with time, it became clear that Brooke would not be comfortable with being around him, as she keeps the relationships very separate in her mind and it would be hard for her, emotionally, to be in the same space as him.
london, to clarify, they do not feel awkward about each other's presence in my life; they feel awkward about meeting. It could be that this ended up getting in the way once the child is old enough to want people to attend events, as you mentioned. That is a long way down the road, and those occasions will not be that frequent, so I am not going to let that be the barrier in my mind that makes this all seem not-doable. Things to keep in mind, though.
LovingRadiance, good points. Thank you. I think looking at resources for divorced parents is probably a really good idea.
Galagirl, good point. And Thomas and I are moving to next door to his parents soon, so we will need to disclose soon, now that I think of it, because his parents will wonder where I am all the time when my car isn't there and all...
Dagferi, thanks for sharing your experience! Anything else you can say about how you have made it work? The logistics of going back and forth with a young child are hard for me to straighten out in my head...
Well, I had hoped for more similar experiences like Dagferi's, but your thoughts and insights were helpful, at any rate. I just bought "The Polyamorists Next Door," and hope that maybe I'll be able to find some shared experience there.