Thread: Vicki's Journey
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Old 06-01-2014, 08:30 PM
Vicki82 Vicki82 is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Niagara Falls, NY
Posts: 207
Default The Terrible, Awful, No-Good, Very Bad Day

Yeah... I just really need to vent. I'm severely sleep deprived and entirely unreliable but also ridiculously miserable.

Basically, my Friday started out with an unsatisfying sexual encounter with a guy I met off Craigslist and have been seeing every couple of months for a year. We don't have a relationship of any sort- I know next to nothing about him, we'd actually never even kissed until Friday- we just got each other's rocks off. It was almost like having a human vibrator except he's more skilled. I had been super horny lately so I thought it might help... but you know what, it just didn't do the trick for me. And he asked for a more intimate sort of thing... he wanted to cuddle after and that's never been what this was so I don't think I'll text him again. It's not that I don't like that- actually, this thing we had was way out of character for me. But I thought we just had a thing where we used each other for sex and I don't want anything more than that with him.

So then I went to pick up my son from day camp since it was a PA Day. He wanted to go to the children's museum since they had something cool on so I said OK. When I pick him up, he starts being bratty again. He's been a lot bratty lately since Mark has been gone for so long and it's wearing on me. He's even getting notes home from school that say he isn't listening. I'm a fucking teacher for heaven's sake, and MY kid is misbehaving??? Not cool. So anyway, I figure he might just be hungry since it's dinnertime and I offer to take him to his choice of "restaurants" in the area (a sushi/Japanese buffet, Mr Sub, and a soup restaurant- he loves them all). THen he starts telling me this weird stuff that he's hungry but not for food and I'm like what? Anyway, we finally get that sorted out and we go to Mr Sub and he's just picking at his sandwich when he suddenly pukes... all over himself, dinner, and me. Yay. Of course I have no clean clothes for him, I mean, he's almost five, so I didn't think that was something I needed anymore. So I take him into the bathroom and try to clean him up so now his clothes are wet. The owner starts freaking out on me to clean up the puke and then pokes at my parenting by asking how I could put my kid back into wet clothes and I said well what was I supposed to do, take him home naked??? THen when I clean up I notice he gave him a cookie. Wow, that's just freaking wonderful. So I call a cab to get home since I can't really take him on a 45 min bus ride if he's sick, and big surprise- he throws up the cookie in the taxi. THen the taxi driver freaks out on me and insists I clean the cab and I have no one to help me with my son so I'm basically reduced to cleaning him up and taking off his clothes and telling him just to go upstairs to bed and Mommy would be there in a minute but he's too tired and just lies down on the floor and cuddles his toys naked. Yay. THe cabdriver is a real pain in the ass even though I clean it up and even give him the rest of the roll of paper towels. He wanted me to give him a real towel to put on his seat and I refused. Anyway, it was shitty. Finally got to put the kid to bed and at that point was already feeling drained.

So I hadn't seen John this week... he had been supposed to come over on Tuesday then Wednesday then Thursday since he kept rescheduling because he hadn't slept well and was tired. OK I get that, I have a severe sleep disorder myself. Then Friday after all that shit happened I texted him and said that I had thought I wanted to be alone but I really didn't, I just wanted some no pressure company to relax and do mindless things. And he texted me back that he was sorry but he was out with Kristen. Kristen is the girl we had the threesome with who has HSV2. He had previously asked me if he could be friends with her and I'd said yes but no naked time (I'm his Domme so I get to approve his other partners if I want to, and since I don't trust her, I want to). So I totally lost my shit- that he had time to go out with her but he hadn't seen me all week? He pointed out that this had been planned previously and that she'd drove to him. And that my situation was difficult at times. I asked him what he meant and he said me having my son made it tough since he can't stay over when my son is here (my rule), and it's an hour walking to get here since he doesn't drive either. So I lost it again and basically told him if I was so much of an imposition than not to bother. I sent him an email afterwarsd that said that I was really pissed that I still had to nag him to go get his health card since he doesn't see it as a priority, and since we have the D/s it shouldn't matter how he sees it but how I see it, otherwise there's no real power exchange. And that I think I'd been quite patient dating him for four months and we'd sort of had sex once. And that if he'd made plans with her, then he should have bent over backwards to make sure he saw me beforehand. You know, he tells me he loves me and how important I am to him all the time... and then pulls shit like this. So I was really pissed. And I reiterated to him that if he had naked time with her, that's a dealbreaker to me. I know he can't fuck her anyway but that's not the point. HSV transmits just from skin to skin.

And I am absolutely fucking furious at her. I told her in my last correspondence to her when I said that I didn't think we could be friends but that I wished her well and didn't plan to tell anyone else in the community what she'd done, and she appreciated that... and now she's out with my boyfriend when she knows I'm not thrilled about her? I did give him permission to be friends with her... and I'm likely being irrational here but I'm angry. He's been saying all the right things via text and asking to come over tonight so we can talk but I'm still feeling so tapped out that I don't know if I can handle the conversation.

I am not really having any new problems with Mark but I'm just still drained from all the emotional energy the situation is sucking out of me. He says he's not changing, but he's dressing differently and behaving differently and so of course I am just feeling so off balance by it all and worrying how this is going to work. It's not so much the open part that's bothering me because I think I can handle that and we haven't even gotten there yet. It's that I am not sure if I am going to like the person he's becoming. Anyway, so I get so mad... and he and I haven't seen each other in seven weeks, and when he does come home, it'll only be for a week anyway before he leaves again.

It doesn't help that I haven't had much time with my best friend because now she's working nights. We've barely talked in ages and I'm still not feeling great about that since I'm a believer that you make time for people who matter to you.

So basically, I just want a vacation from my life right now but that's not going to happen. Failing that, some sleep would be nice.
Me: 34 yrs, poly pansexual Dominant female.
My People:
Henry, 30yrs, my collared submissive, cohabitating. Currently no other partners.
Kiddo, my 6 year old son
Mark/StbxH, my exhusband of ten years, finally divorced.

Last edited by Vicki82; 06-01-2014 at 08:36 PM.
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