Originally Posted by idealist
One rule of thumb I would suggest and it's something I try to practice. Be with the one you are with. In my opinion, it is far more valuable to occasionally spend time with both of your partners (together) so that they can get to know one another and come to terms with the relationship dynamics you have with each of them.....they can observe......this is so much more valuable than all the talking you could do about your other lover. It's so much easier to accept something you can observe and see. On the other hand, the visions a person creates in their mind can be quite elaborate and way out of reality.
Yeah, I completely agree that this would be the way to go...but my relationship with M is a long distance one (very long distance). He and my husband are not meeting for another 2 months (which is the next time I will see him as well). The relationship at this point is a completely phone/chat/text thing...so it would be totally possible for my husband not to be confronted with it much at all. But I don't think that would be healthy, because it would basically allow us all to pretend like it isn't happening.