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Old 06-01-2014, 10:24 AM
london london is offline
Join Date: May 2013
Location: UK - land of the free
Posts: 1,635

Sucky. But they tend to be an acknowledgement that for whatever reason, our romantic relationship is no longer healthy and/or viable. That acknowledgement helps me be positive about a break up; we did the "right thing". I think that also helps us transition to another positive and fulfilling relationship model: friendship, with or without benefits.

There is a personal, autism related thing I struggle with in regards to break ups and that's to do with routine. When our romantic relationship ends, it usually means we won't see each other as much so my schedule will change. I find that difficult to cope with. This creates contention because I need to see them so as not to disrupt my schedule too much, they need space so they can get out of gf/bf mode and we can't really do both. I find I can accept that we aren't together any more for the right reasons so now we are friends and not have that period of awkwardness and feelings and stuff that the majority of neurotypical people seem to have.The kind of thing that leads to them needing space and stuff like that before they can engage in the friendship in a healthy fashion. It seems like the logic of our separation neutralises some of the devastation and it feels less like a bereavement and more like a lifestyle change.
How I've gone some way to solving that is by talking about this need I have whilst we are still together and perfectly happy so it isn't personal to them and then, if/when we do break up, we seem to keep in touch and I kind of "wean" myself off of them that way.

So, yeah, whilst a break up is sucky for me, it's more about how it affects my routine than ending a romantic relationship. It ended for a reason. Usually a good reason.

What I specifically meant by "exercising my freedom" to be polyamorous, opposed to polysexual, is that I can have several relationships and explore if any lead to the type of lifelong, emotionally and perhaps practically entangled relationship(s) many of us seek, regardless of our relationship style. If a personal preference or a partner who was effectively prohibiting me from having the freedom to firstly act on and then explore whether an instantaneous sexual connection I have with someone can develop into something "more", it would be hideously repressing.

Love can develop from the filthiest and most random sexual encounters.

Last edited by london; 06-01-2014 at 10:38 AM.
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