it is indeed the sheets. and more so the betrayel of trust because that rule was broken to her. she has met the other person in question and all is known. (this was not cheating, all was known b4 the incident occurred)
I have apologized and offered to do these things she's asking to make her happy tho i feel one may be costly and unneccessary.
it really is just a misinterpretation of the rule. and i think you may be right about letting the details control something deeper that mey be in question. i will look into that.
I hope to speak calmly with her tonight. thank you all for the advice. to her credit she has apologized for being SO cross with me. so i think we are on the right track.