Things have jumped ahead...
Thank you all so much for your feedback. I like hearing about successful stories of poly families merging.
I'm back on here because I'm really struggling with something right now. I had mentioned before that the idea of more kids for D & S was a possibility, but I honestly has thought this was a while down the road. Or maybe I just convinced myself/hoped that it was. D told me a couple of days ago that they had decided to move forward a month ago, and S is already pregnant.
There are a few reasons that I couldn't be excited about this news. To be completely honest, I was crushed and terrified. We have had some problems in the past with communication in our arrangement, and me feeling sort of like an outsider, even though I know that I am equally important to D as the rest of his family is to him. I still feel, well, secondary. And in this situation it seems like they made this giant decision that will absolutely have an impact on my life, and D's and my relationship, without me.
Sparklepop, I've tried to break this down into exactly what is bothering me like you said. Really, it's a combination of all of those things. Maybe primarily insecurity in my position, in that I feel like they are a complete family and
I just take what I can get or have to ask permission. I'm also (selfishly, I know) concerned about time and attention commitments if the person I love is married with a toddler and an infant. It's not like I demand a lot, but I don't want to feel like I'm taking away from all that. And yes, envy, there is that too. Feeling like this is the closest thing you can do with another person is produce a child, and even though I've been told I could do this with him some day, it wouldn't be for years and doesn't feel real to me. This whole thing just makes it feel like no matter what, S is bound to him, and now pregnant with his child. I wish I could be excited and happy for them but it really just makes me nauseous and I can hardly articulate why.
We are all trying to talk about the situation, and I don't think it's something irreparable. I just have the feeling this is going to be really, really hard. Any advice welcome.