wow mittin, great post!!!!!
noob, my husband sounds a lot like yours. He never tells me when something is bothering him until he's completely thought it out and come to some kind of conclusion. It almost reminds me of that saying, "Don't come to your boss with a problem unless you have a solution" ... not that I'm the boss or anything, but he seems to have that kind of attitude. Like ariakas claims to be, though, he's painfully transparent during this time. I can always tell when something is bugging him. And because he always comes to me eventually, I just give him his time to deal with it. Sometimes, if he seems particularly grumbly and I'm feeling impatient, I'll coax it out of him a little sooner and ask him to let me help him find a solution. This has about a 50% success rate.
Only you know your husband best and can decide what will work for you guys. If he seems overly quiet when you talk about your boyfriend, ask him if he would rather not hear the details. Assume that he's telling you the truth, what else can you do?
I think there's a difference between DADT and just not wanting details. As I understand DADT relationships, they extend to not even wanting to know whether and whom your partner is dating, which is different from having been told who they're dating and just not wanting any details.
“As I am sure any cat owner will be able to tell you,
someone else putting you in a box is entirely different
from getting into a box yourself.” —bisexualbaker